Sunday, January 5, 2014

You Are A Mate, Not A Remote Control

Many of the things people usually do in a new year is lose weight, become healthier, make more money and find love. Some become so desperate or caught up in love that their new beau makes them a doormat or puppet, controlling all or part of their lives.

I've seen it happen over and over. Some people love control and domination for various reasons.  They have trust issues. They are in management or leadership positions and are used to taking charge. Or they are possibly delusional and have been watching too many of those clique' Lifetime struggle movies.

Many times, after the love fades,  the person realizes things must change or they need a way out. Sometimes it takes others praying and intervening to give this individual the strength to stand tall and to work a compromise. A relationship is supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. They are NOT your toys, children, or universal remote control.  This is your partner (mate, spouse, lover). Often even the most docile person will eventually put their foot down against unjust treatment. 
This being said, it's good and healthy for two people to encourage and compliment each other. Positive change is usually always good, especially when a person has destructive habits such as verbal abuse, drinking, incompetence, and non-compassion. However, one should get to know their main squeeze well and realize there are some things, and people that you cannot change or control. You knew who this person was when you met them; it's not fair to try and make them who you want them to be. If they don't like shopping all day on a Saturday or sports, then you need to find a friend, or another mate who's into that.  The term equally yoked is used for a reason. When you two become one, it means you embrace your similarities and celebrate and tolerance differences. It is give and take after all.

Basically, control and manipulation isn't the way to go.  It's time to put down the whip and use your words to get what you want from a person.  One should do what they want to do, not what they feel they have to, or out of fear or a guilt trip. 

No relationship of any kind will be perfect. However, having mutual respect for one another and trusting them to be themselves goes a long way. Let's drive people towards us and not away from us. Strangely enough, you will find a more caring, willing mate that doesn't require manipulation or anything an underqualified love guru is feeding you.

How have you been controlled/controlling in the past? What happened to make it all stop?

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