I'm sitting back, fresh off of my 20 year class reunion. It was a very good time but given where you come from (and for me, these choice questions tend to arise at times).
Why aren't you married?
Why don't you have any kids?
You're too good of a guy to not have someone?
Where's your woman?
Sometimes I can tolerate this, except when folks become relentless. Then I have to check them and inform them of my quick reasoning. After that, I believe their curiosity turns into disrespect for what I want and my core values.
I read my friend and relationship/life coach's Troy Spry's book earlier this year "Teach Me How To Love 2". One of the biggest takeaways I got was that people aren't in touch with their core values and thus will settle quickly. I don't want that to be me, even I'm still single at my 30th high school reunion.
OK for all those that like to pry into my personal life (which is personal for a reason) at gatherings, seeing me out, social media, etc, here's something for you to read: some reasons why I am not married nor attached right now.
1. I simply haven't found the woman I can see spending the rest of my life with. I do hang out and go on dates and such, but at my age, I know what I want and will not settle. It's not being picky, it's knowing what I want and will tolerate.
2. Relationships nor marriages, especially marriages, are NOT to be rushed into. The divorce rate is high for good reason. Regardless of your age, one should take their time and chill when it comes to romantic affairs. It will happen if and when it's supposed to.
3. I would like for my own mother to see me married and have children. However, since I am a male, I am afforded the luxury of not having a biological clock. This means I can reproduce well on into my elderly years if I choose. Look at Abraham from the Bible, Jerry Seinfeld, David Letterman, the list goes on. I'm a late bloomer at a lot of traditional things. It's not when but how well you do something.
4. I say this often, everyone is not meant to be married or even attached. I do respect the sanctity of marriages, love and relationships. However you must remember, everything is not for everyone and this includes love. Let us not forget Paul in the Bible.
5. I really, truly enjoy being single. I wrote a piece on it last year, and even participated in a non marital challenge on Facebook last month. One must love, enjoy and value themselves before they can give their heart to another person. Relationships are great with the right person, but single life has a lot of upsides as well. Therefore to those that wish they were single, please stop trying to drag me down.
6. Marriage and children are way more expensive than years ago. The wedding, home, taxes, cost of just one child from six weeks old to 18 years old (that's not including post secondary education.). Even with a nice two income couple, all of this does cost. People can say you shouldn't worry about all of that and in a way I do agree. However, it's all about timing and I don't need too many bills rushing on me like an avalanche.
7. Lastly, why is it because I am a certain race, look a certain way, have a certain education, etc, etc mean I have to be with someone? Did someone rewrite the rules of society without telling me? Ok how about allowing me to be happy and great, okay? We are in a society where we are too judgmental and are trying to force feed beliefs on this culture and that culture. Let's think for ourselves and live the best lives we can live.
Ok here it is. Now are there any further questions? I really want to put this subject to bed or I will become even more selective about which folks I entertain.
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