Monday, October 22, 2012

The D-List: Being Put On The Back Burner By Others

This is the season for parties and gatherings of a different kind. This week begins Halloween festivities, parties where women everywhere get that free pass to dress scantilly clad and not be judged for it. There are also Christmas parties of various types, college homecomings, mixers, even reunions and fall weddings.

My point I'm making here is that people that coordinate these functions compile a guest list. You have your V.I.P.s, your best friends, family, closest acquaintances and colleagues. Then you have those that may or may not be notified via invitation, or may not be welcome. They are often blacklisted, or even put on the D-list. Now no one wants to be on this list.

Here's a clarification of The D-List for anyone that may be lost. It is compared to actors and actresses. The A and even B list actors get all the major starring roles in television shows and movies, the highest salaries, and their lives are closely scrutinized. They are at the top of their game. D-list actors are often resorted to taking cameo roles, character actors, and even voiceovers. Their appeal and popularity has waned. Not many people care to see them anymore.

We have those individuals, or even groups, that are on our D-lists. Everyone has one, whether or not you realize it. Prime example: go through your list of Facebook friends, or better yet your contacts in your phone. Those that you barely talk to or haven't spoken with in months, let along hang out with, may be on your D-List.

Here's both sides of the coin with this topic. Some folks that treat you badly, are parasitic, and simply are not that important in your life, typically comprise your D-List. They need to often be there, and kept at a distance. However, you should not put someone on there that's been loyal to you, has had your back when others have turned theirs, and have simply treated you like royalty. I want you to think for a second. Being on the D-List of someone you care about is equal to being the child who eats alone everyday at school lunchtime, the child who is always picked last for gym class, the loner with virtually no friends that never parties or goes out because no one invites them. They never went to prom in high school due to being on the D-list of certain kids in high school. That can be a painful feeling, especially when you thought you had friends that cared about you.

Recently I heard a profound quote "I don't have enemies; I have friends and people I don't know.". When you're on someone's back burner, or out of their mind (and vice versa), its as if they are a stranger to you. Therefore, they shouldn't matter to you. Keep it moving because others do care and value your time.

You may be trash to one person, but.treasure to someone else. You can't win over everybody, but you should act the way you want to be treated. Be the friend and relative that you want to have. There is no guarantee you won't get shunned, but at least you're treating folks proper.

It's hurtful, plain and simple, to feel insignificant. No one deserves to feel this way, and often it can be unintentional. Therefore, when evaluating your close circle of friends, choose carefully. You definitely want friends, not people that you don't know because they have changed and are impossible to get to know. You want to know that you're valued in their lives, and the feeling is reciprocated.

Therefore, crashing parties isn't necessary. Find folks that enjoy your company and you click with. Forget those that cast you aside. Love them, forgive them, but put them on your personal D-list and leave it at that.

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