STARS: Being the New Guy

I have been the new person in school, work, and other places a few times in my life. It can be scary and nervewracking. It can also be exciting. 

I try to learn the lay of the land and the culture first. I firmly believe that you cannot effectively participate in a game without fully knowing and understanding the rules. 

I then find someone that I know from a past experience. I then find a mentor (often it's the same person.). I shadow them, confide in them, and see what good examples they are setting. 

I proceed to be myself, keep a positive attitude, try my best and show why I am there. I have found that properly communicating with others and having that understanding goes a long way towards building good relationships. 

I have used this simple template many times to help me adjust to new situations. I'm confident it can help someone else also.

STARS: How to Say Goodbye

I have had many transitions in my life: personal, professional and otherwise. Tomorrow is my last day at my current work site and I begin my new role at my new site next week. I sit back and think of the good, bad and in between. It's all surreal. 

I start with as few words as possible. I simply say thanks for the memories, keep in touch, I hope I can use you for a reference and likewise. Showing simple gratitude is very important. 

I then do my best not to place my former colleagues in a bind. I have had to clean up enough messes from people before me and I like to have a smooth handoff.

I believe in staying available but being distant at first. I learned this at the WU. This helps transition better for me. I am not codependent on the folks I have worked side by side with for a while and I can focus in my new role. 

I then begin my new role, taking my lessons learned and playbooks from 25 years of past experience. I go into my role as open and positive as possible, and give it my all. I am then faithful that I am in this situation for good reason and make the best out of it. 

STARS: How To Prepare For True Action

I've learned in life that it doesn't have a remote, you must change it yourself. I see so many people that are unproductive simply because of their plan of action, or lack thereof. 

I have a flexible plan that I do adjust when necessary.  I have my main goal written down, plus the steps and mini goals necessary for the larger outcome.

I then attempt each step, stick with what is working and properly adjust what is not. 

I've found myself ten times more likely to achieve a goal, even simple goals such as cleaning my man cave or fixing my kitchen floor if I break it down into steps. 

Remember failing to plan is planning to fail. 

STARS: How I Plan to Try to get Breonna Taylor's Killers Arrested

I've seen it for months and now I'm seeing it even from athletes and others with larger platforms. Say her name. Let's arrest Breonna Taylor's killers.  

Nearly 5 months later, no arrests, an ongoing investigation and the police/killers are free and even harrrasing other women. 

I plan to continue making the calls to the proper authorities. I have an email that automatically calls all of them. 

I will hold others accountable that continue to post daily about it. It's at the point where posting and calling is not working.  It's time for more fierce, forceful action. I want to see who lives in the Louisville area.  These people can go to the offices personally, go to the city council meetings.  We have to be in their faces. 

I see people are still traveling despite the pandemic. Why not be productive and travel to Louisville for a side quest or supplemental trip? Many are you are quarantined, working from home, your kids are going to virtual school. This is the time! 

I then want to see and give adequate funding to her family and to her legal team to help fight in this case. There needs to be the means to sue and get the justice that Breonna Taylor deserves. 

This will then set a precedent and change the narrative far as holding police responsible for taking a life in this way. Looking ahead, we have another battle: the trial for the killers of George Floyd. Therefore, we can rest but we can't let up. Not even a little.

STARS: How To Voice Your Concerns if Something is Bothering you

I wish someone could tell me why we have scores of effective means of communication and we still cannot articulate when something is bothering us. If someone or something is hurting your spirit that badly, they need to know. Period.  

I like to give myself and the other person a few days to cool down. I then attempt to ask what's going on with them and their life. Remember it's not always about you. They could be undergoing a major setback and just cannot verbalize that to you. 

I like to meet and talk with folks face to face. That is another one of the many challenges of the pandemic. However there is a neutral place: the grocery store! I like to have a third party with me to mediate in case things go South. If a face to face meeting is possible, determine if you can use FaceTime, Zoom, etc or simply a traditional call.

I then like to take inventory on what I need to do on my end and what I would like for them to do in order for us to be able to coexist.  

I have found great results with these methods. At day's end, everyone has their voice heard and there are no secrets at all. 

STARS: Creative alternatives for fun during this pandemic

There are many things the pandemic has taken from us in 2020. This includes stuff like brunch with friends, sports, movies,  church, local festivals, amusement parks concerts, public pools, concerts, the gym (depending upon your state), cruises, international and domestic travel and the beach.

The worse thing I hate hearing is folks saying they're going to throw caution to the wind, not wear a mask to protect others and live their lives. 

Now since when did delaying vacations and traditional fun activities qualify as not living your life? Please someone give me an intelligent, thought out answer.

Here's what I'm recommending to those that feel they are missing out on to compensate in the interim. 

I would still be able to have brunch with friends. I would simply have a picnic at a park or church (some are open), only invite a few people and practice CDC guidelines. I would plan to meet small groups of friends at remote and essential locations such as the supermarket. Think about this, you want to maintain contact with your friends and family. I am doing this in small waves. 

I have found drive in theaters to go to in order to fill that void, and I watch everything on Netflix, Disney +, Hulu and HBO Max. ESPN + has lots of activities to fill my love for sports.  

I go to a gym in South Carolina and I attend in the middle of the night.  My work schedule allows perfectly for this and I can rebuild my form and relieve stress. Yard work and gardening helps also if you cannot get to a gym. Running and walking trails are also good alternates.

This is a good time for me and others to enjoy virtual concerts and quarantunes. I also am enjoying the Verzuz battles on IG Live and have been enjoying music from YouTube and Spotify. 

I have found it extremely possible to have fun,live my life and be safe. It's amazing what creativity and thinking outside of the box can do.

STARS: How I handled my 40th Birthday celebration

Two years ago, I reached a milestone age: 40. I wanted to celebrate it differently than anyone else had. Plus I wanted not only the people I wanted included, but those that chose to be included. I didn't want anyone to feel excluded because that hurts and it's subtle bullying. Change my mind.  

That said, I had decided to take off the week of my birthday but essentially celebrate all month long. I would allow folks time with 4th of July and vacation festivities to join in. 

I had cake and gave everyone an opportunity to have some. Just like my overall celebration, the cake would be available and in waves.  

I went to Atlanta for three days and got to watch my first Braves game at SunTrust Park. I also saw Frank Caliendo live at the Comedy Zone in Greenville, SC. 

I even decided to celebrate with two friends, both of us turning 40. Both were cool with it but one of them was a newlywed and her husband wanted to do something special. I had no problem with that and joined in. 

I am blessed to have a really good mutual friend who ensured we both received our own celebrations. She had us a party and cake at Dave and Busters. I also had someone give me a quart of my favorite concoction and I received my pet cat Trouser.  Also I went out on the town on two other occasions. 

I ended up stretching the celebration for a few weeks but I got all that I wanted and then some. I gave all ample time to celebrate with me and gift me.  I didn't hear one complaint about anyone being left out or excluded either. 

I have researched that even Sir Elton John wasn't invited to the 2018 Royal Wedding. I'm not saying I'm better; however, I did not restrict access to my celebration to anyone.  Those that feel they struggle to "invite everyone" should try this. It is also pandemic friendly.