Saturday, July 6, 2013

2013 Mid Year Cowbell List

2013 has been quite a year so far. Lots of happenings: births, deaths, record breaking weather and news events. However, there are always some things that could use more cowbell.

I look back at the first half of 2013. My guess is many people are getting tired of being on my lists. The number of repeat offenders aren't as high. Here's who made my Hall of Shame this time around.

Repeaters:

Nicki Minaj. You start all that drama with Mariah Carey, act bizarre again at the Grammys and then quit Idol. Perhaps you should try your hand at doing high end escorting.

Kanye West: First you neglect your baby mama Kim for most of her pregnancy. Then you name your child North, for North West. I shake my head at the torment that little girl will face.

The NBA: Getting too predictable now come playoff time, and the Dunk Contest is a joke. I am an avid NBA fan and I don't know half the guys that put on these slack dunks.

Newbies:

Manti Te'O: Man the world was your oyster. You have helped lead my Notre Dame Irish back to prominence. Then you go and get duped by an online chick. For a Notre Dame student, you weren't very smart with your heart.

DMX: Please stop driving, heck just move to an island and hide out for a while.

Autozone: You were once a huge help to the mechanically impaired such as myself. Now you won't even change a car battery or a headlight. You are on this list and my blacklist.

Mark Sanford: Running for Congress after you deceived my state, South Carolina, and you still win. I believe in forgiveness, but you don't need to be in politics.

Pistorous: You inspired us in the 2012 Olympics by running with no legs. Now you go and murder your girlfriend. Pitiful.

Jesse Jackson Jr: You have a condition that you need to properly treat, especially if you're going to be in the public eye. Also, become your own man. You are not your father.

Harlem Shake: How in the world did that dance make a comeback? It was cute when children did it, but that dance should have both an age limit and an expiration date.

Online voting contests: They are flawed, rigged, and shouldn't be taken seriously.

NCAA Selection Committee: You need some actual coaches, or at least someone that knows basketball picking the tourney field. Every year you out of touch clowns make more mistakes and stupid mismatches.

Sherwood Brown: I dub you "Fro-Locks" due to your inability to maintain your dreadlocks. I was impressed with Florida Gulf Coast and your "Dunk City" style of play, but the hair man, the hair!

Rutger's men coach and program:
You all need Dr. Phil right about now. You should know you cannot treat a student athlete like this and expect to get away. Look at Bobby Knight.

Ray-J: You have redefined thirst. Guess most of us don't appreciate something until it is gone.

Katt Williams: You need anger management man. You could easily be the best comic in the game right now, but you can't keep your hands off of Target employees.

BET's The Game: one word: terrible. This show took a month hiatus and now it's back. It needs to leave for good.

Charles Ramsey: you became a hero by saving those girls. However, you are a WorldStar coon at the same time. You are like everybody's drunk uncle and that's not a good look.

Lauryn Hill: Will you ever get it together again? Your mishaps make me miss the 90s more and more

Chad Johnson: You have great hands, but they should be kept to yourself. 

New Looney Tunes: OK there are some classics that should be left alone. Tom and Jerry has already been ruined.

Aaron Hernandez: I guess NFL players do think they can get away with murder. Well guess what, you PLAYED for the Patriots, not the Cowboys or the Raiders. And you're not Ray Lewis.

Paula Deen: Few are suprised with your behavior. Your past has caught up to you. And speaking of caught, that's why you've been crying and apologizing. You're not sorry.

Let's see what else 2013 has in store for us.

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