Sunday, July 3, 2011

2011 Mid Year Cowbell List

The year is halfway over, and I'm back with my list of things thus far that lack major "cowbell". I would like to give a shoutout to my friend Regina Wright for inspiring and assisting with my bi-annual lists. Maybe one day we can get our own cowbell column.

Ok without further adieu:

- LeBron. You made that big spectacle on TV to leave for the Heat, then go to the championship and choke. You have got to control the women in your life better and deliver in clutch situations.

- Planking. It's out of control, idiotic, and folks that do it obviously do not know its historical origins. Who started this fad anyway?

- Ohio State football. Y'all are basically screwed for a while. You guys remind me of Miami or Alabama in the 90s. Looks like Michigan will be beating you for years to come now.

- Pittsburgh Steelers fans. Many of you were sore losers after my Packers beat you in the last Super Bowl. Some of you even questioned my loyalty thinking I was a bandwagoner. Anyone that knows me well knows I'm a longtime Green Bay fan.

- Sarah Palin. Please just keep your mouth shut, and stay out of the public eye. You will not get the GOP nod for the presidency, and you're lucky if you can even become president of the PTO at your child's school.

- Beyonce'. The first 2 singles off of your newest album, as well, as the videos, were well below par. B, you turn 30 this year, your heyday is wearing down, you can't afford a setback, especially now that you fired your father as manager.

- The NFL and NBA. Stop being greedy and just come to an agreement already so that America will not be deprived of its top 2 sports. You will lose waay more money if the lockouts or shortened seasons come.

- VH-1 for its continuously bad programming. Basketball Wives, Mob Wives, and now this mess of a show, Single Ladies.

- Tamar Braxton. You need to simply sit down and shut up. Behave.com! America is laughing at your ignorant, obnoxious self, not with you.

FB updates. They're getting worse. First its SNs, now its ridiculous hashtags, reposts, spam, voting contests, and now getting tagged to these horrendous looking shoes!

-Charlie Sheen. Dude you are definitely NOT #winning #thatisall

- Apple. You guys do not run the technology spector, so please get a reality check.

- Kevin Hart. Funny, yes. But you're no Chris Rock, Chapelle, Redd, Eddie, or Pryor. You are overrated in a comic industry lacking a dominant black comedian.

-Rihanna. You are just a mess, loving the way guys lie, into S&M, and now you're on speaking terms with Chris Brown once again.

- Wiz Khalifa. It appears the need for ignorant, coonish rappers is not stopping any time soon.

-Amber Rose. You are a very gorgeous woman, but please leave other women's men alone. Less @$$, more class, please and thank you.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4. One of the low points of the franchise, and this summer movie season. I'm not so hype for 5 now.

- Lace front wigs. They're getting out of hand! It appears for every black woman going natural, two are buying a week's worth of lace front wigs.

Lupe Fiasco. Dude, first you release the disappointing "Lasers", and now you make these brash statements about President Obama. Perhaps you should go into hiding for about 2 years.

- Folks that won't get pedicures but need them. They are relaxing, and almost necessary, especially if you love open toed shoes.

- Women wearing booty shorts with extreme cellulite. Yeah its really hot, but you should dress with discretion. Those clothes are a privilege and NOT a right!

- Text message language used on resumes. Really are you kidding me? And you folks are typically the first to complain about not being able to find a job.

- People that complain about not being able to find a good mate and when they actually do, do not know how to act or treat them.

Video stores. C'mon, stop trying to stay open! Redbox and Netflix are holding down the movie and game rental business. Even Blockbuster is now slowly transitioning to Redbox-like Kiosks. Get with the program!

- Marvin's Room It's an overrated, sad song, and lacks substance and cowbell.
- Ted Williams. The world was your oyster and you have tainted your 2nd chance. I pray that you finally get the help you need.
- The Royal Wedding. There's no reason Americans should make a fuss about it, and it's waay too expensive and unrealistic. Plus William and Kate are simply people, NOT the Sun and the Moon.

Happy 4th of July, enjoy the fireworks (uggghhh) and try to stay off my next list!
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