Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 21: OOPS!

I looked back through my 2023 posts and realized I forgot #21. 

One thing my mom liked was any written communication to be short and sweet. She would probably say "Andrew I know you're doing what you can to cope with the loss. Do you have to write so much though?"  

That was Mom! For her, I'll keep this one short.  Happy New Year!

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol 24: Hickory Grove

In this final installment of 2023 about my mom, I think of course about things and places she loved. She really loved living as a young girl and going to  Hickory Grove, SC. Hickory Grove is a small community between Blacksburg and York. They had 3 schools back in the 50s, including a high school.  

My mom was heavily involved in Girl Scouts and other activities while attending those schools. She had decent grades also. However once her parents moved the family over the county line to Kings Creek, she was forced to attend Blacksburg schools and never liked that. 

I ran into one of her high school classmates as this year was that class's 50th reunion and they remembered my mom. It made me think of the awesome times she had going to Hickory Grove schools and how her life may had been different had she not moved. 

I'm glad she didn't uproot us like that and even gave us an option later on regarding attending a different school. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol 23: The 70s

If you knew my mom well, you knew she loved and had her best times in the decade called the 70s. 

Debbie loved That 70s Show but called what they did on the show "preppy rich people show." She did mention how bananas the masses went over Jaws, Star Wars, Roots and the bicentennial. Mom would also talk about where her and her circle hung out. These spots included the drive in theater, Howard Johnson, Cagie's Bar, and my aunt Ellen Jean's house. 

She met my dad during this decade and yours truly was born so that was a joy. She was in her 20s then and enjoyed her first adult job, cars, and freedom. She saw Rocky and Saturday Night Fever on the big screen. Her and her friends listened to 8 track cassettes where you needed a matchbook for them to work properly. Mom collected Tiger Beat and other teen magazines with David Cassidy on the cover. 

I know what it's like to be young and carefree.  The 90s/early 2000s were that time for me. Mom loved the 70s for those reasons and how everyone seemed to come together and enjoy each other's company more. I already know her part of Heaven includes the 70s. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol. 22: Home

Debbie Lanier and Kenny Lanier were alike in a lot of ways for siblings to only be two years apart. Uncle Kenny was always more of the socialite, always having to be on the scene. Debbie, my mom, was on the reserved side and preferred to be at home. This continued as she grew older, had children and then couldn't get around very well. 

Mom loved the comfort of her home and later her room. Growing up that wasn't easy having a mom that didn't go many places. My brother and I longed for a stepdaddy and would beg and ask her to go out on dates or out with friends. On weekends, summers and off days, she wanted to be home with us, and friends and family that liked coming over. For years she didn't go to family gatherings or even out to eat for Mother's Day or her birthday.  I was telling someone just yesterday when my mom turned 60 and 65 she didn't want a party or a big deal made of it. I simply took her to her to her favorite restaurants and bought her some of her favorite things. 

Debbie was a very simple, minimalist woman. I think that's why she worked so hard for decades on making her house a home. She wanted herself and others to feel welcomed. She wasn't the type to be out for too long, even going to the grocery store or to doctor's appointments. 

There are several memes out of course regarding introverts changing plans, not being mad about canceled plans, nor not going if it involved complicated parking. All 3 of these and more were my mom. She also didn't drive very far and never in a city larger than Spartanburg or Rock Hill. 

My mom would often say when referring to going to a special place "if Jesus isn't there I'm not going". Ironically that's where she is now and for eternity. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 20: Honey and Thanksgiving

Ok on this festive week as we kick off the remainder of the 2023 holidays, you're probably wondering what do honey and Thanksgiving have to do regarding my mom. Welp they were definitely two of her favorite things and she cherished both. 

Debbie loved local honey but would settle for the honey in the bear shaped containers. I started learning which places had the best local honey. She would go through a quart in 2 months. I am still nursing the final container I bought for her from Publix back in March as it doesn't expire. Honey is awesome for you, had multiple uses and my mom realized that. She would put it in her beverages, certain foods or would just eat it plain. Ironically she wasn't crazy about the kind with the honeycomb in it.  

This of course is the first Thanksgiving without her and I'm keeping hers and my traditions alive. I am hosting a small Thanksgiving without her. I am making stuff that I know I can do and am outsourcing the rest. I will also be househopping per usual. I am even making turkey salad as my mom did the day after if I have enough turkey left. It didn't matter where me or my brother went, my mom always liked having her own Thanksgiving meal in her house. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you all and I'm thankful for you all that are allowing me to share my mom's life, times and memories. Her spirit is felt daily. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 19- Secrets

It's no secret to some that Debbie Lanier could keep a secret as well as anyone. There's stuff about her or that she knew that I will never know. If someone confided in her, that's as far as it went. 

My mom took confidentiality seriously. I've been holding back some secrets and realizing that she was truly the only person I could trust not to say anything. She held water really well. I knew I could vent to her about something I was told and get her thoughts on it. I will miss that about her because nowadays that's a super power. 

I've found out more stuff about her the past few months as I've gone through her things. She just wasn't going to tell anything easily, especially if it were none of her business or if she were trusted with the information. I doubt if I will ever fill that void but I know she's proud of me that I do the same for others.

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 18: Halloween

My mom definitely loved Halloween, Halloween specials, scary movies and taking us trick or treating and to haunted houses and parties. 

Kids always loved when Halloween activities took place on a weekend because you got to stay out longer. It wasn't as fun on a weekday because we had to cut trick or treating shorter and may or may not have gotten to go to a haunted house. It was very memorable nonetheless. 

Debbie being Debbie definitely did two things: only took us to houses and places she trusted and checked our candy. And when I mean checked our candy, she would be eating it smh! I get she would get hungry but for years I thought I either lost my best piece of candy or my brother stole it. It was my mom man! We had a good laugh when I was an adult and she told me. She would take the time to check/eat our candy while we were in a haunted house or trail. 

My mom would often leave out with us around 5pm and we would stay out until 8-9pm. We would hit all of the Kings Creek area and certain neighborhoods in Blacksburg to get all the candy we could. Of course she restricted our consumption so we wouldn't be up all night. 

Supposedly I went to my first Halloween party at 3 months since our aunt and uncle were twins with a Halloween birthday. She used to take me trick or treating as a baby, dressing me up and then getting all the candy. Who's going to say no to a baby? 

This is definitely one of my favorite times of the year and favorite seasons. My mom, as always, made it extra special. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 17: Birds (Birdies)

There's no question that amongst the animals and small things my mom loved, birds (or birdies) as she called then, were near the top of the list. 

Debbie loved small birds of all kinds and saw them as a positive sign or omen. She had bird feeders and a hummingbird feeder. I've mentioned owning parakeets also and chickens. 

She especially loved and understood the significance of redbirds. I painted a small redbird that's still in her old bedroom and of course her urn was one filled with redbirds. 

Debbie knew to find joy in the small things and of course those that needed help. I think we could all do more of this. 

Debbie Lanier's Life And Times: Volume 16: The Love For Clover

Everyone has their own personal Heaven. I definitely believe in Heaven and Hell. I also believe that Heaven has all the things and people we enjoy and loved on Earth. 

I'm sure for Debbie Lanier that place has most of Clover circa 1968-1990. 

My mom loved Clover as much as a person can love a town. It is the town with "love" in the middle. She got her first adult job there and many other firsts like her first car, love, first child (yours truly) and so many great memories. I could see my mom's eyes lighting up even well into her 60s every time she entered Clover. 

This town has a lot of history and ties for us both as I have many family members on both sides from and still residing in Clover. She and her friends/cousins used to love hanging at my aunt Ellen Jean's house, walking in the nearby cemetery at night, and other activities. These included: the drive-in theater, Howard Johnsons (currently where El Mic is), Cagie's Bar and cruising up to Gastonia. My mom was the life of the party and the party often traveled with her. They all worked hard and partied harder.

I'm always thankful my mom got to have those times in the 70s and then returned in the 80s and thereafter for much calmer but just as fun times. I will always feel my mom's energy and spirit when I pass through here.

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 15- Life in the Mills

For a long time in the South, you could make a good living with minimal education working in the cotton, textile and steel mills. You really raked in the money if you were on production.  

My mom genuinely loved this work and worked in several mills on and off for over 20 years. Some of the ones I recall her working at were Marion Yarns, Pharr Yarns, TNS, Bowling Green Spinning, Sadie Mill, Oxford, Donald Adam's, Screen Print, Peeler Rug and I'm sure there were others. During that day you could quit or get fired and literally have a job in 24 hours.  

Mom's specialty was winding. She didn't like sitting for too long so spinning wasn't her thing but she loved winding. Debbie simply loved the environment, the money, the various coworkers (some of those being family) and being able to provide for her small family. 

Someone sent me a picture from October 1977 when Mom worked at Bowling Green Spinning the first time and it made me think of the stories she told of how much she loved that work. She didn't want me nor my brother doing it but it kept clothes on our back, food on the table, her cars running and eventually allowed her to get her own place. 

It was definitely a simpler more productive time for our country and community. I'm so glad my mom could partake in that. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 14- Animals

Debbie had a lifetime love for animals, especially kind, sweet animals. 

She had several dogs and cats throughout her lifetime and mine also. It wasn't listed in the obituary but she left her cat Mosey, and dogs Ninja and Peony. Ninja became ill a month following Mom's passing and transitioned and a local rescue group came and got Peony at both of our requests. Mosey is under my care now and I definitely take care of you and hoping to get her to the vet before the end of the year. 

Mom at one point had 30 cats and 3 dogs and kept them fed daily. They started dying off due to predators. I wouldn't mind having another cat inside or out especially after Mosey is fixed and has her shots. My uncle got two Jack Russell terriers, Spud and Bud, on his property. They come to my part of the property sometimes but they are harmless and adorable. My mom wasn't a fan of dogs that were angry and killed smaller animals. I think she would love and would spoil these dogs. I feel like she send them for me and the home she spent 3 decades building up. 

My mom loved animals and anything small for a lifetime and loved having them around. She hated when her dad would have to kill something to eat or sell it. At one point we had dogs, cats, chickens, a rabbit and parakeets. She just showed anything around her love. 

My mom was my own pet sitter and such and right now I want to have animals like Mosey and the Jack Russells that are more self sufficient. You best believe I will have something for myself and for her legacy.

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 13: The Little Things

Imagine an elderly woman that goes ballistic at the miniature exhibit and loves tiny houses, tables, etc. That woman is Debbie Lanier. 

Mom loved anything tiny except cars. She was not a fan of the Mini Coupers or box cars, stating they were unsafe and had no ssa. Beyond that, Debbie loved and was in awe of anything small. Foods, shot glasses, what nots, chairs, miniatures, babies, Percy from Amazon, Baby yoda, babies, etc. 

I used to love seeing that light in her eyes especially on a dark day for her. I am still finding small things she collected and those, especially her shot glass collection, will be preserved. 

My mom was one of those whenever I traveled all she wanted was a shot glass. Several folks would do the same and she had well over 50 shot glasses before she left this Earth.  

It definitely is the little things in life, even puppies, kittens and birds. My mom loved all of those things. Of course if it were a living being, she was going to take care of it. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 12: Seven On Your Side

Many of you know my mom was old fashioned and set in her ways on some aspects. Despite having a smartphone and high speed internet, she still watched the news and weather on TV several times/day. Her channel of choice was WSPA Seven On Your Side out of Spartanburg, SC. We had watched it as a family for decades and some of the cast were lifers. You aren't tuning it to just any news station, it was like spending time with family.

You knew their names, personalities, families, etc (The Amy Wood controversy is still up in the air) but that was her station. From June to just the other day, DIRECTV and CBS had a conflict dispute and the channel didn't air for months. There are other avenues but definitely another void for me. It would have been a huge void for my mom. I remember how in 2019 I had to go out and get an antenna box, ensure she had the app, etc. 

I saw in a grief group last week that doing things that your loved one loved was like spending the day with her. Watching Seven on your Side this weekend and seeing the familiar faces deliver the news, weather and sports was like spending time with my mom again. That's something I really needed and she knew that from above also. 

Debbie definitely had her ways but she knew what she liked and never settled. I'm glad we could share that part and ease my pain. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 11: The Creek and The Fair

Fall is around the corner and summer is ending. This was the period that my mom took us places the most. Two of those that were tradition were the local creek and the Cleveland County Fair. And guess what? I still go to both as an adult,  may go to the creek later on today. 

Debbie simply loved Kings Creek: the place and the actual creek. When were younger, it was all about Burnt Mills and the curb near the Kings Creek bridge. She would take us there around early afternoon and we would stay all day like we were at a waterpark. I remember being in the water so long I would have wrinkles on my fingers. We used to ride home sitting on towels so as not to destroy the seats of the car. 

The fair was another all day event. We would get armbands and ride all afternoon into the night.  Debbie understood the fair was best enjoyed at night but Saturday was usually when we went. We would eat twice also. 

Present day, I love going to Burnt Mills as it's a relaxing, family friendly atmosphere close to home with lots of nostalgia. I still go to the fair also but I no longer ride anything. I simply eat all sorts of unhealthy, fried foods and cleanse the day after. 

I'm so glad my mom started these small traditions. Now I feel like I'm spending the day with her whenever I partake and keep not only the tradition alive but also her spirit. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 10: Little Known Facts

Debbie Lanier was basically a what you see what you get type of a person. However she had many positive traits and characteristics only a few knew about: 

She loved chocolate, chocolate anything. 

You didn't mess around in her kitchen while she was cooking

She didn't leave the house nor go to bed with a dirty house. 

She loved the creek and the fair (full future installment)

She didn't like funeral after parties (and was vocal about that shortly after her own funeral) 

She didn't like sports but knew of and about the big stars. 

She loved photography and although she had a high quality smartphone, wanted a high quality camera

Debbie liked her THC but wasn't crazy about alcohol. 

Mom had to have a home cooked Sunday dinner every Sunday

She didn't like cheese, especially on a burger

She wasn't much of a reader and long paragraphs would cause her to wonder. 

She wore some of the same clothes for 20+ years because they fit well and she never was big on style 

Mom would melt candy bars with her cigarette lighter although the microwave was nearby

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 9: The Grass

Ok before anyone starts, this isn't for my mom's love for cannabis or advocacy. That's another post in this chronicle. She loved for her yard to be freshly cut on the regular. 

My mom was able to step away from the workforce at age 47 but stayed busy doing other things. One of those was keeping up her yard. She had a push mower, riding mower and weed eater. She did it all herself once she divorced her husband until she suffered her leg and ankle injury in 2013. 

Debbie had very high standards for how low and neat she wanted the lawn. She really wanted it cut weekly but I work full time and I didn't have it in my budget to pay anyone weekly. I would set aside time to cut it biweekly. If I couldn't get to it due to time nor weather, I would pay one of few lawn folks I trusted. 

I really started taking pride of the yard and recently gained the capacity to get it cut regularly.  There is a peace and pride of being in your own yard and keeping it cut the way you want it. My mom got that and was hence more critical when the yard didn't look emaculate.  I cut my own yard earlier but the hot day and short evening caught up to me so I'll have to finish on tomorrow. 

Thinking back, it's hard to believe my mom did this for so long with often only the pushmower since the riding mower stayed broken. That's who she was: highly independent and determined. You can stay I got that part honest.  She enjoyed being outside also in the summer heat.

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 8: Back To School

My mom wanted us around so much that she hated when back to school time came annually. 

Debbie's school experience wasn't favorable and she didn't like school. However she wanted us to attend and finish. The first day wasn't her favorite though. She cried every year on the first day for me and my brother. She was a mom that truly enjoyed summer and those memories we made at home, the creek, or wherever. 

Looking back, I think that was another reason she was so involved at the school. She wanted to stay as close as she could to us. I still don't see why she didn't become a support staff member although back then education or lack thereof was a barrier. Plus she worked in textiles and that paid way better. Nonetheless she was there. 

Debbie couldn't get why parents wanted rid of their kids or didn't want them around the house. The more involved my brother and I got, the sadder she became. She liked that we were good kids, had friends and all. She said she liked the simpler times when she could watch us all the time and play with us. 

My mom just had so much love for all around her and wanted those closest to her around her. She said when my brother got into his partying phase, she didn't mind that his friends were into the home because she could prevent trouble easier. That's another story for another day though.

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Birthdays

Many of you know how seriously I take my birthday and upset I can get when it's forgotten. That's due to one person: Debbie Lanier. 

She reversed the narrative and ended the cycle by taking not only mine and my brother's birthdays so seriously: she did the same towards anyone around. Especially if it were a child. My mom would at least bake a cake and cook a meal of your choice or even give you money. Debbie truly had a big heart and wanted you to have a special day. 

My mom didn't have the milestone celebrations at 18, 21, etc. I did throw her a 50th and she didn't want a 60th nor 65th. She made sure our birthdays were celebrated, even if all she gave was a cake, card and money/dinner. I've found all sorts of blank birthday cards in her things. She was ready! 

Now she would say I'm doing too much when I would get sad and mad about folks forgetting my birthday. My thing is my birthday shouldn't be hard to forget and if we're cool, why not remember? My mom did it to me y'all! I now keep another part of her legacy alive and remember and celebrate birthdays. 

Her brother, my uncle, realizes this also. He never forgot my birthday, even in prison, and made sure I had a great day. I'm grateful that my birthday was a priority because everyday is truly a gift! 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 7: Comedies

I'm back after two weeks of celebrating independence and life! 

Debbie's form of happiness was watching comedies and often over and over. She said she liked to laugh and it gave her a sense of peace. She wasn't with dramas and tearjerkers. 

Her favorite the final ten years of her life was Roseanne. When Roseanne returned to the air and she was temporarily blacklisted, I bought my mom the box set. Debbie would watch those episodes daily on repeat, DVD or TV. She also loved Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Reba, Mike and Molly, King Of Queens, Frazier, Becker, Everybody Hates Chris and many others. Comedic sitcoms were her safe space and kept her at ease. 

My mom and I shared a great love for these shows over the years and watching/rewatching these shows keeps that part of her alive. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 6: Good Housekeeping

My mom was one of the best housekeepers I knew. From her home to her car and definitely her yard, she didn't miss a detail while she was fully mobile. I only hope to uphold that standard as I must remember to dust. 

Debbie Lanier's yards and home were granular and immaculate.  She cleaned and dusted daily, mopped twice/week, and was always washing something: dishes, clothes, a child's face, etc. She was a clean woman and her house reflected that. 

In the era where more people are trusting potlucks, you could trust Debbie's kitchen. Even with inside cats, my mom would have her kitchen cleaner than many restaurants and no one was allowed in nor out while she worked her magic. 

She kept the basics: Clorox, Windex, a vacuum cleaner or two, an older broom because they swept better, and several rags and towels. She would clean any deeper if she were cooking or expecting company. She didn't like for stuff to linger on couches or public areas like the floor. 

Debbie could have had side hustles in catering and/or cleaning houses. Unsure why she didn't since she worked in restaurants and in a couple of places as a cleaning lady. You best believe she's still cleaning in Heaven also! 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 5- Food

You cannot mention Debbie Lanier without her cooking coming up somewhere.  

My mom had over 50 years of experience in the stove and would make magic happen everytime. She made it look so easy! However you didn't want to be in her way. You didn't run in nor out of her kitchen while cooking. Debbie had a process and you dare not ruin it. She would cook enough for an army and she would feed anyone. She didn't believe in anyone going hungry.  You can tell by my appearance throughout the years that I certainly didn't. All jokes aside, we always had a meal on the table and a snack after school and she cooked every Sunday and holiday for a number of years. 

Debbie's specialities included her biscuits, vegetable soup, cornbread, meatloaf, roast, baked chicken, fried chicken, turkey and dressing, Mac n cheese, pork chops, ribs, sweet tea, grits, sausage gravy, beans of any kind, greens, okra, greens, cookies of various types, cakes and chicken/turkey salad.

Debbie Lanier's cooking was both her love language and legacy. She would provide you a hot country meal if she couldn't give you anything else. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Part 4- Music

Music is the universal language and definitely not short on my mom. She had a great love and ear for music. She always had a radio or boom box going and has a girl had two transitor radios, one for each ear (should I get earphone/earbud royalties?). 

Her musical favorites included The Jackson 5 and Michael Jackson, Prince, Karen Carpenter, The Rolling Stones, Eagles, Chicago, Journey, Elton John, Phil Collins, The Spinners, Eminem, Drake, Dr. Dre, Fleetwood Mac, The Doobie Brothers, The Bee Gees, Earth, Wind and Fire, ELO, Hall and Oates, and all of Motown just to name the artists and groups that stayed in her rotation.  

Mom liked music that had good lyrics and would make you jam and dance. She wasn't big on country music or certain hip hop artists. She also tired of the modern pop scene. 

Debbie Lanier had a great ear for music and was adept at remembering song, album and title for many songs and such. This love for music will also be forever honored. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Tales- Part 3: Her Cars

My mom had quite a few cars in her time, many of them memorable, some annoying, all she put her spin on (dad joke intended). 

Her first car she bought was in the early 70s: her Vega. She loved that car as it was the first one she owned and bought. I can't remember if it were the Vega or the Chevelle but one of her cars had a broken gas meter so she kept gas in it all the time. The Vega had a sad ending as it was totaled in a car accident. My mom was very injured, even got a concussion. Those that know Debbie Lanier the best know two things: she was more worried and crying over losing the Vega and people were trying to keep her awake due to the concussion but she was being stubborn. 

She then got a Chevelle which she had for quite sometime. It was the car she drove when her and my dad dated. She later gave it to my uncle Kenny the year after I was born. 

Mom drove at least two other cars (somehow she always seemed to have a silver/gray car) that I cannot recall. I definitely remember the hot, clunker Granada. It got us around from point A to point B and wherever she took us and any other kid or family member. That was the car (or the one prior) that only had one working radio station. Fortunately that station played everything. We had a lot of good memories in the ole Granada although it stayed in the shop every month. 

She then had the loud and embarrassing Ford Escort (one of two). Myself and my brother loved the hatchback but that muffler was so loud! That was another car that kept us on the side of the road. It was the first one I can remember having a tape deck. 

The Chevrolet Spectrum was next. This car logged a lot of miles between myself and my brother's extracurricular activities and was the first car we had when my mom got her place. It was a good, fun ride and the car that I drove when I was learning to drive. 

The best car hands down besides perhaps the Vega that she had was the Cavalier. It was nearly brand new and lasted almost ten years. That car traveled everywhere and myself and my brother drove it. That was the car I drove to prom that had two separate keys, one for the ignition and one for locking it. That car also moved me in and out during my college days. I have very warm memories of this car. 

Mom then upgraded to two different Escorts and gave the Cavalier to my cousin. The red Escort didn't last long as my brother totaled it. It was just as well: red draws too much attention. She later on got a gray (yes another gray car) one. It didn't run as well as the red one but it lasted eight years. For a year, her and I shared the car and then I drove it until 2008 until giving it to my cousin. 

Her final car was her Toyota Corolla that still runs to this day. She finally found a good car and mechanic plus she had the transmission and engine replaced. This car is currently almost 18 years old. I haven't decided what I'm going to do with it yet aside from driving it short distances but I definitely want to keep it for obvious reasons. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Tales- Part 2: DEFENSE

I write this second installment of my mom's life as the NFL schedule was recently released and fans are making their plans to attend, tailgate, etc. 

My mom did many things well. One thing that was noted in the town of Blacksburg was how she always defended the underdog: her brother, kids, relatives, nieces and nephews, etc. If Debbie Lanier was in your corner, you had little to worry about. 

Debbie literally had zero fear when it came to defending someone, especially against bullies. Anti-bullying is a part of #imjustdrew and people knew my mom from that alone. She maintained a house, job, lifestyle, etc well while seemingly staying up at the schools off and on for two decades on defending myself and other kids. She would dare a school official to call the police. Debbie knew how to handle a bully: in public. She would call them out after practices, games, at the grocery store. Mom would even chaperone field trips and even show up to Field Day to fuss at kids. She was ahead of her time and knew all the ways to get around talking to a bully without going to jail. And other parents? Yeah bring them on, especially if she went to school with them. Some parents that knew Debbie Lanier were proactive and would tell their kids to not ever mess with me and even defend me if possible. 

Debbie had that lasting effect everywhere: the schools, restaurants, jobs, doctors, hospitals, etc. She truly fought for what she believed in and it brought out the introvert in her. If you wanted to get Debbie Lanier out of her home, tell her someone was bullying one of her kids or a relative. 

I'm thankful and leery at the same time that I now have a 24/7 bodyguard now. I know she's not going to let anything happen to me aside from free will and that gives me lifetime peace. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Tales: Part 1: Parenthood

This is a series dedicated to my mom and stories of many of the things she loved and enjoyed.  Part 1 will focus on parenthood as she truly enjoyed being a mom and this is close to Mother's Day. 

My mom had several good times, 24 years worth of them prior to giving birth to me, her eldest child. She would often say she felt like her life began when she had me. She had her own child to love, cherish, and mold.

She was known to watch me and other children all the time, especially while sleeping. Many parents look forward to the day when their children can walk, talk, etc. My mom truly enjoyed our infant days the most as she didn't want us to grow up. Even as I my brother and I grew up to be adult men, she wanted us close by. She cherished every moment we had with her. She was the type of mom that looked forward to summer because of the weather and her kids would be at home. She cried everyday of the first day of school because although she worked, she loved having us home in the home she made for us. 

She loved to cook for anybody and everybody. Cooking was definitely her love language, something she did in small forms until she passed. Rarely a Sunday or holiday passed where she didn't have a big meal.  She loved having her cabinets and fridge full so she could fill the stomachs of others with her world famous biscuits, veggies, the meat of choice and her sweet tea. She was simple but put so much love in her meals that is rarely seen. If myself, my brother or anyone requested her to cook something, she would do it. Mom also baked cakes for others, sent food to those in need and always let anyone know if they need a hot meal or a place to stay for a spell they could call on her. 

My mom was truly the neighborhood mom that fought for, loved and advocated for children.  She didn't miss a school event, ball game nor fundraiser. She was a very active parent, one that did it alone for a number of years and made it look easy. Mom didn't use her boys as an excuse to be late or not to come. We were often early after she gave us the rundown on how to behave and what not to touch. She expected us to conduct ourselves properly. 

I don't like to criticize nor condemn parenting styles. It is hard for me not to look at my mom's style and not consider it a blueprint for parenting. She didn't have as much money nor resources as the modern parent. However, we were always clothed and fed, even after school, had a steady home, healthy home life and lots of love. My mom went all in once I was born and exceeded the expectations. She never used us as a crutch nor said we held her back. We were her life and she loved that. I'm blessed that I had that mother in my life and corner. I'm not a father but I would certainly use much of what she taught with my children. 

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all of the mothers! You all deserve the praise for the sacrifices you have made.

My Mom's Favorite Things

Many of you know that my mom is now in the greatest fight of her life, one she may not win.  God has the final say and we will let Him and her determine this. Meanwhile I will spend the next few weeks of posts honoring her and celebrating different parts and facets of her life. This one includes her favorite things. 

These include: her children, her brother, Roseanne, Seven On Your Side, Judge Judy, birds, cooking (especially biscuits, meatloaf, sweet tea and many other dishes), Everybody Loves Raymond, Seinfeld, shot glasses, animals, fresh Sunbeam bread, the Lord, the Bible, Charles Stanley, Andy Griffith, the 70s and music such as the Bee Gees, Doobie Brothers and Michael Jackson, flowers, cleaning and keeping a neat house and yard, collecting cigarette lighters, marigold plants, CK-1 perfume, Eggo pancakes, shopping at Food Lion and Dollar General, fish and fish camps, a well done steak, a good hamburger (no cheese), chocolate, chocolate chip cookies, arguing with others and defending family and children, babies, miniatures (what nots), Bruce Lee, keychains, Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang, 

STARS: How I Built Up #ImJustDrew

The weekend was not only one to celebrate resurrection but to also celebrate the 7 year anniversary of #imjustdrew. 

7 years ago, I didn't think I would create a brand that has been sustainable and part of my identity. 

I simply wanted to help bring folks together and showcasing the power of networking. Also I wanted anyone and everyone to see that if a shy, stuttering, overweight, country boy from Kings Creek could do it, it's doable by most anyone else. 

I formed a second blog post on WordPress separate from my world of random knowledge and information. I would do vlogs that later became FB live videos a couple of times/week. I then expanded my brand in 2017 by writing and publishing my first book "From Darkness to Sunshine: Making Unlimited Friends and Connections". I then changed up the brand, mission and vision as COVID began. I began focusing more on the human side and treatment of humans through social inclusion and excision, social justice, police brutality, and mental health. I learned a long time ago with any business and/or brand you either evolve or cease to exist. 

I also now have a weekly podcast on Spotify, #imjustdrew podcast discussing many topics related to these cornerstones of the brand and movement. 

By the numbers, with over 300 book sales, an average of 120 listeners per vlog and live, and 260 listens on the podcast, I would say #imjustdrew has quietly made its mark and will continue to do so. I will continue to adjust year over year and celebrate each milestone.

STARS: How I Decreased Stress In the WorkPlace Over a Decade Ago

I definitely get having to work to support your family and many environments will be stressful and hectic. One must have time and stress management skills. I absolutely put these to work when I was in a toxic situation that I needed to get out of. Names will be omitted but this was at the end of my 12 year stretch with the Robert Allen group. 

I identified the department I ultimately wanted to work in and the managers (buffers) I wanted to be around. They would treat me like human beings and give positive vibes. I had to keep my nose clean behavioral wise and at the same time keep my eyes out for anything that I could document and report to HR.  I simply had to wait for my moment for something to open up there or outside of the company. I had already taken a huge paycut and I knew what amount I needed to make to sustain a living wage. 

I had my opportunity come and I interviewed for the position and job I wanted and I was immediately given an offer. It was going to be a position in which I would not be unfairly rotated and it would be less stress and more fun. One of my counterparts noted that I needed to smile and laugh more. 

The laughter and smiles definitely came over 3 years where everything was 90% less stressful, I enjoyed my management 100% more and I had a schedule that allowed me to work on my physical and mental health. I was at my peak at both during that time, losing 70 pounds, eating cleaner, and feeling more clarity and sleeping better.

STARS: How I Have Improved My Speech Tremendously Throughout My Life

I have had a speech impediment since I was a child and it still affects me in my mid 40s. I don't stutter as often but I definitely will talk rapidly when I'm nervous, excited, upset or all the above. I also have a thick country accent that comes out more when all 3 of the aforementioned surfaces. 

This has affected my confidence, my social status and even caused road bumps throughout my career. 

I was in speech therapy in school for 6 years (big shout out to Mrs. Carolyn Fowler for being patient and believing in me.) and learned how to properly pronounce and enunicate certain letters and phrases. I also have taken plenty of public speaking courses and even leadership positions. I have traveled to conferences to strengthen and sharpen my voice. 

I later channeled my energies in therapy through the gym, breathing, mediating, and slowing down my speaking pace through practice. I would record myself and even video myself to have my voice crisper. 

Present day, I have held 10 leadership positions, 3 of these being in management, have appeared on radio shows and podcasts, have been guest speaker and MC at 5 different events and have simply found my niche: control. I know if I maintain that, the sky is the limit for myself and my voice.

I am human and do still slip up especially when I'm around people I don't know or people I'm the most comfortable with. I am 90% better and more confident than I was as a child..

Crutches, Boots and Scooters Part 11: A Month Into Normalcy

It's been a whirlwind and a relief over the past month. 

I've seen myself improve both physically and mentally while still needing to maintain both states of my life. I'm glad and blessed to be out and about though. 

I've seen every doctor and specialist except for the chiropractor (hopefully today on that one.). My ortho likes how my ankle looks and my ankle and leg have been holding up well. I've noticed it mostly acts up if I consume too much sodium. It's all motivation to return to the gym along with continued clean eating and IF. 

It's fascinating how many orthopedic stories I've heard from folks that I come across and how this ordeal has shaped my everyday life and those around it. 

I don't see my ortho for 3 more months and I just am trying to continue to improve and maintain so I'm not having a repeat surgery or a setback. 

STARS: How I Trained for and ran a marathon

Spring running season is basically here and although I'm currently not running, I know the craft and the process. I am here for anyone that wants my guidance. 

I chose my first marathon to be closer to home so I could drive and not be overly sore going back to a hotel or hours to home. I would advise taking that into consideration, along with price, travel and hotel accommodations, and overall planning for time off from work, family, etc. 

I then know my terrain and how I needed to adjust my regimen. I give myself 4-6 months to train. I was running 3 times a week anyways with a long run on Saturdays so I was halfway there. I have found numerous training programs online and in runner's groups. I have found that the best ones are the ones that break the training down week by week with total mileage being nearly 20 miles minus the week you run a half marathon (running a sanctioned half a month or two prior is beneficial) and then the week you run your 20 mile run. I and other runners know the importance of that 20 mile run to the overall training. It gauges you halfway into training and allows you to see where you need to adjust and what. This goes down to the shoes to even what hat you wear that morning.

I used this format to successfully run and finish 3 full marathons, 2 in back to back months. I have found this template to be successful if the work is put in.

STARS: Ensuring My Uncle Had a Nice Safety Net Upon His Release From Prison

Here's the backstory on my Uncle Kenny. He's been in and out of prison most of his life and recently turned 70. I took over managing his finances in late 2017 and wanted to ensure he had enough money to start some projects and relax some at his age. 

His money was not managed as well as possible prior and a lot of hands were in his pot. 

I first put everyone, including him, on a budget. He was expected to be released in 5 years at that time. I wanted to ensure that even when his own children wanted money, it was on a need only basis. There had been a lot of problems I won't go into details on due to it being family. I will only say they were bleeding him dry and I wasn't afraid to tell them no.

Additionally, I attempted to ensure that if someone needed a loan or large sum, it had to be valid. He paid for his wife's funeral in 2020 and this was obviously one of those cases. 

I was able to help him increase his monies tenfold in 5 years and this was with him spending $300-$400 per month on average. He's enjoying his freedom and retirement and has little financial concerns.

STARS: How I Successfully Declutter

I admit, I have both a cluttering and a hoarding problem, one of many issues that I am unpacking in therapy, no pun nor dad joke intended. I have developed a system that allows my life to be clutter free. 

I declutter and clean as I go, not allowing clutter to develop at all and reduce overall clutter by 70%. I then go room by room, item by item, to purge and clean areas. I am able to remove 95% of all clutter and excess items over time. 

I continue this process gradually throughout my life and do weekly and monthly decluttering binges on weekends and time off. I additionally take advantage of warm, dry days and bonfires with friends to burn 85% of trash. 

I have been able to keep trash away and have an additional utility building coming to be able to maintain this cleanliness.

Crutches, Boots and Scooters Part 10: I'm Back, Return of the Mack!

I couldn't help but throw that mack portion in, especially for my uncle Kenny being out of prison for the first time in 20 years. I also returned to work on Friday after 68 days. 

I did have a doctor's appointment on the Tuesday prior. Overall the ankle looks well and I can get around great. The doctor wants to continue to evaluate it as I resume more activities, especially at work. 

I worked 2 full shifts last week and the ankle held up well. It's just trying to get my body fully used to being back at a job where I do have to walk and stand on the production floor in steel toed shoes. I will continue to evaluate and practice caution with my ankle and see if I need accommodations later on. It felt good for me to be back with my team. I had a nice, long rest but I am at the point where I need and want to be productive. 

I want to continue to adjust to normalcy and a routine and maintain my health for the long term. 

Right now I plan far as the blogs to return to the STAR series after a week for the Super Bowl. I have been thankful for Blogger as a great platform to journal my content and experiences the past two months as it was definite therapy for me. 

Crutches, Boots and Scooters Part 9 (Not The Last Stand)

This past week may be the last one that I'm appointment free or off for a while but I am still standing physically and my ankle is doing well. I am walking around more and more as my body continues to adjust. 

I felt more normal this week as I could do more things physically while still being careful and cautious. Submitting paperwork is still a slow process. FYI: if you're ever injured and are out of work for a while, be prepared for the mountain of papers you will have to submit. Doctors, hospitals, insurance and of course your place of employment. I see the process is facilitated somewhat but is still cumbersome and tedious. Ironically this keeps me sharp as I return to this type of work. 

I was asked if I was mentally and physically ready. I feel like I am but I won't completely know until I begin my first shift back, which is this Friday night. 

I may do a final installment next week and then take two weeks off for the Super Bowl for my next segment. I really do hope this does/has helped someone else. It's one thing to be quarantined in your own home. It's definitely another when you are limited physically. I definitely don't take physical mobility lightly. 

Crutches, Boots and Scooters Part 8 (Balance!)

I don't think I could have picked a more perfect 2023 word than balance. It not only applies to me walking with a healing ankle on 9 toes. It is also applicable to not doing too much on said ankle, resting and eating right.

I was able to have more fun this week and even clean up some more. I have made a list of things I want to feel comfortable doing before I return to work and I have crossed off half the list. 

I enjoy my Fridays for sure but my best day hands down was this past Saturday. I got to do more of the things I normally enjoy and the weather was great. I love seeing more people, talking and interacting. I have noticed that my lighter brace tightens up my ankle after a while. I can literally feel it healing also but I try to take off, readjust the brace and even rest and elevate immediately. 

There is also a debate which is more annoying, crutches or the boot. For me it's the crutches although I'm glad I didn't have to wear the boot 24/7 at any point. 

This week upcoming is week 9 which is my last free week for a while as the next week I have my next doctor's appointment, my incarcerated uncle is a free man after 20 years and I return to work that Friday! I will continue to allow myself to have fun, heal and do as much as I can.

Crutches, Boots and Scooters Part 7 (Brace Yourself, I'm Outside!)

Overall this was a good week for me outside of obvious adjustments and trying to get paperwork completed. 

First off, my healing continues to go well although the earliest I'll be able to return to work is 2/3. I have now been approved to wear a light brace and to drive. I am walking more unassisted and only have a cane. My crutches and boot are in my man cave and my cousin is using the scooter. 

I have been trying to transition slowly so I don't wear myself out and risk long term injury. I returned to the coffee shop and to two social outings. It felt so good to be able to see folks in person that I haven't seen in over a month. It feels even better being able to transport myself and carefully go into places. I can even shower now. These are small things that I took for granted and didn't realize would be hard to transition to. I'm just not the type of person that tries to be the focus of the attention but wants to stay safe. 

I can only say so much on this next topic but in short there is a disconnect between my doctor's and the leave team regarding the rest of my paperwork. I will be more hands-on in ensuring my paperwork is in on time but I just had a delay that was uncontrollable from my standpoint. I am using what the company has taught me and am being more proactive here. 

I am still not finish recovering and rehabbing but this is the week I finally see light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to continue to press through to the finish line. 

Crutches, Boots and Scooters Part 6

This was another appointment free week and one that I could see myself healing even more. I am still wearing the boot and have the crutches handy but I walked more inside as the week progressed. My step count has went into the 1000s again when it would say at around 250-400 previously. I did go outside and move my car to its usual spot but I have still yet to drive outside of my home. I am hoping and praying I get into a different walking boot and am able to drive shorter distances after this week's round of appointments.

I'm also having to ensure my leave and accommodation paperwork is current. I may be ready to return the last week of January or the first week of February. Either way, I've been mentally preparing myself as I have a personal list of things I want to feel comfortable doing before returning to work. Getting used to the 3rd shift schedule is on that list.

I had some major disconnect this week with the relatives that typically transport me to the doctors, grocery store and other place. They are currently staying near city limits and haven't been in touch with me as much. I am going to ensure going forward until I am cleared to drive that they know and understand my appointments. Otherwise I will find someone else to transport me. Fortunately I lined up options years ago. I have a method to my madness.

I certainly hope to have different adventures to write about in Part 7 but the main thing is I want to continue to heal and be healthy. DaMar Hamlin nearly dying on 1/2 has reinforced that being healthy and being a human being comes before anything else. It's given me a lot of reassurance as well.

Crutches, Boots and Scooters Part 5 (Walking Tall and Slow)

Happy New Year, my 13th one in the blogsphere! 

The last week of the year was slow and relaxing per usual but it took on new meaning. The orthopedic surgeon was extremely pleased with my healing process and overall progress. I am cleared for the next two weeks to bear weight with my heavy boot and crutches and walk some. I have been doing my best to work my legs and feet again as my left foot hadn't been able to be planted in a month. I still have my scooter around just in case my ankle gets too tired or I've went too hard. I'm just thankful for movement and I can't wait until I can do more. 

I do miss making simple trips even to the gas station and coffee shops. New Year's Eve was festive but quiet as I stayed in, ate pickups and watched college football bowl games. I'm confident by next week at the latest as I have two appointments with each surgeon that I'll be able to have a different boot and at least drive more. 

This is long (and if you're like my mom, you already stopped with the last paragraph lol) but I was talking to my case manager and I really want to make a full recovery before I return to work. Mentally, financially and emotionally, I need it. Physically, I want to be fully healed as I stated in part 4. I will still have restrictions and accommodations to help me transition but I have a list of things I want to be able to do before I return back to work even for a half shift or half of a week. Top 3 is to be able to walk from my car to my desk comfortably in safety shoes that will work with both legs. I have noticed that my right leg is getting tired from bearing the brunt of the force while I have walked short distances. 

This week is another that's appointment free. I will continue to rehab, make small preparations to return, (my sleeping pattern is not where it needs to be), have crushed run replaced in my driveway and in front of my home for those days that myself and my mother struggle with a sinking, wet hill. I did see the light at the end of the tunnel as 2022 ended.