Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol. 34- HASH

Yes my mom liked the smoking hash. She liked the hash you eat equally. 

This week is one week since Mom passed so I decided to resume this series for this week. 

My mom ensured she got hash every 4th of July from CKC Fire Department or from Hickory Grove. My grandpa and uncle both knew how to make it also. 

Ten years ago, I started learning how to make it. Mom assisted also. It took me a year and a half to perfect but once I did Debbie didn't eat anyone else's hash unless it was a charitable cause. I made it 2-3 times/years and even for friends. 

I've made 2 batches since her passing and may make one for Memorial Day. Debbie loved having her pint of hash and eating it on one slice of Sunbeam King Thin folded over. 

I'm getting together on the anniversary date with friends celebrating another friend's birthday eating hash. I know if Mom were here she would want some and would send money. What a way to honor her and the birthday girl!

STARS: How I Have Improved My Concidence and Interaction With Women

I often talk of my earlier struggles socializing with women. Now I look at how many female connections I have: romantic, platonic, etc. 

I had to place myself into the proper place and space. Yes I'm biracial but that didn't matter in Blacksburg in the 80s and 90s. I was black and there was only so much talking I should do to those outside my race. I also became big on who's big on me. The darker females have always given me more attention. Over the years the lighter women showed me more attention as I exuded confidence and self love. 

This confidence came from being at the WU around women from all over the world. I was embraced and loved moreso than my small town. I spoke to and plugged into various folks who hyped me and guided me. 

I went from having barely 3-4 female connections to over 50 connections over the past 30 years: exes, friends, crushes, professional connections, friends that are family. I'm very blessed. 

I still struggle and I don't consider myself a ladies man. I do have adequate confidence and self love..

STARS: How I Have Taken Care of my Cars

I've had 6 six cars in my lifetime and 3 of them have lasted 7 years or better. 

I follow simple practices by keeping my cars serviced, filling up at the halfway mark with unleaded plus, changing tires and spark plugs when the mileage indicates I should. I also keep the anti freeze and other fluids topped off. I also do not drive recklessly nor without abandon. You have to treat a car properly. 

I still have life in the 2017 Elantra and my uncle and I are trying to get a decent price for that. I think it's got 2 years left but for me it's time to start anew and get another vehicle to last another 6-8 years.

STARS: How I Have Navigated The Car Buying Process

I am taking some time off from the Life And Times Of Debbie Lanier series to refocus on the STAR series as I am eyeing another promotion at work. My mom was always understanding and encouraging when I reached for the stars. 

I have purchased 5 automobiles in my life before this past week, 4 from dealerships. I have learned the process well and how to procure a reliable vehicle within budget. 

I research first from company and local dealership deals. I make a scorecard of what features, price, and even how much down I can apply, including an existing automobile. I come prepared to go to up to 4 dealerships and research in a fashion so my credit doesn't drop out of the 700s. I also ensure I don't have any outstanding debt I could pay off or consolidate. 

I then go to the dealership with the mindset of purchasing and taking home the car that day if not the following day. This time I set a goal of at least 3,000 down and monthly payments in the 300s/low 400s for a brand new or a good used vehicle with the other features I wanted. Having my current car paid for is a bonus even I cannot get much or anything within a trade. 

I am still working with the final numbers pending refinancing with my credit union (something I highly recommend) but I was able to get my vehicle for $455/month with insurance remaining the same, no oil change nor routine maintenance for 7,500 miles and getting all that I needed and most of what I wanted out of a brand new car. I expect this car to last at least the 84 months I financed it for unless I decide on a trade before the limited warranties expire. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 33: Gardening

My mom had quite the green thumb and knew how to keep plants alive. 

I know folks that can't keep a cactus alive. Debbie had experience and skills you can't Google nor buy. She had life experience and a daddy that had 2 gardens.

I always remembered my mom having some sort of plant inside and out and always being able to keep them blooming and alive. She said she didn't have patience but yet could raise and care for children, pets and plants. I told her often had she received more encouragement her options could have been wider. 

I keep all of the plants I received following her passing alive and I even have pots to replace them all. 

My mom is proud of the skills and wisdom I gained from her that I still use daily. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol. 32- Babies

Debbie always loved babies and not just her own. She loved babies anywhere: holding then, caring for them, soaking up the youth and criticizing bad parenting. 

My mom coming from a big family was surrounded by babies her entire life. I look through her pictures from childhood well past her 60s and she's constantly and consistently holding a baby. I'm sure that's what she's doing above also, including her angel baby. 

Mom would do all the baby talk, could tell what babies cries mean and you didn't dare whoop a baby in front of her. Now once a baby reached toddler stage, she would still love them. She just wouldn't try to hold them as much. I've heard people say during the infant weeks and months the babies don't do much but puke, poop, etc. Debbie loved that stage as she could spoil a baby easier. 

There was quite the baby boom following her passing: at least 12 babies I know have been born since. Her and I went in on a baby shower gift just two weeks before she went to the hospital. I can see her looking out for those babies from afar and wanting to hold them tight. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 31: The Party House

Debbie definitely had her partying days in the 70s. However once she settled down and became a mom, she was all in. 

She didn't drink anymore, wasn't a lot of hanging out. Mine and Adam's life and activities were hers, especially as we grew older and became more involved.  

Adam was more of the socialite/partner. As his birthday is this week, I can't help but think how he celebrated many occasions right in the comforts of my mom's house. 

Mom was actually a fun mom but had a relax, controlled environment. She may have not agreed with everything Adam and his friends did but she understood that some things that they were going to do as young folks. Debbie thought differently as always. She wanted them to party, drink, and smoke in a safe space and where they were looked after and not judged. 

I know that didn't make sense especially for kids under 18 and Mom got a lot of pushback for this. What others don't realize are the numerous young folks my mom got through to. Teenagers, male and female, confided in and trusted Debbie. She would tell them like it is and would get onto them and mentor them even. My mom wanted them to finish school, work, be productive adults. It was 50/50 overall as half of that crowd back then are also deceased, in jail or are on hardened drugs still. 

Debbie wanted to be that stabilizer as she didn't do hard drugs and would only allow alcohol, weed and pills, no meth or anything of that nature. Ther was no raping, harassing nor fighting either. You got along or you got out. My uncle Kenny was right across the road for the extra riff raff but she fed, clothed and even temporarily housed some of Adam's friends. She just wanted to show them love. 

I can't say personally I agree with that technique but it was a way for my mom to keep her baby boy close to her. She couldn't save him at the end but she saved many others. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol 30- The One

Mom didn't love sports nor the Super Bowl itself. She loved the commercials, halftime show, and the storylines surrounding the games. 

It would be about a month or two before the Super Bowl and she would notice how "one" player would be all in the news, media, viral, etc. Often that player's team would win the Super Bowl.  

This season we had the perfect definition of the "one" with Travis Kelce, especially once he and Taylor Swift began dating. Looking back, I could hear my mom say now "Andrew the one is back. Kansas City is winning the Super Bowl." 

Now if you follow football you know during the regular season the Chiefs didn't dominate as they normally did. They even lost a Christmas Day game where Kelce slammed his helmet on the sidelines. But the playoffs happened and the rest is history. The philosophy of "The One" is back. 

It appeared for years the sporting world didn't talk about one player as much. Now it'll continue and it could be a different "one" next year. 

Argue with your mama, no pun intended! 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol. 29- Brand Loyal

One thing about Debbie Lanier was despite her thrifty nature, she had her items she only bought by brand. She refused to cheap out on certain things. 

I knew this already growing up but as I became an adult I really understood. When I was young and broke I tried to cheap out on some things. Mom was quick to bring that to my attention. Example: I tried to cheap out on cooking oil and another item. The cooking oil was Great Value and the other item was some obscene name that my mom made fun of. 

Basically Debbie didn't cheap out on cooking oil, cleaning products such as dish detergent, paper towels, her Eggo pancakes, flour, laundry detergent, meats, toilet paper, mayonnaise and other items. She would save and skimp in hard times to ensure she could remain brand loyal. 

I look around my own home and I get it honest. I was just discussing with a friend how I go generic/Great Value on some items. Others not ever.

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol 28- WEED

Yep weed, marijuana, cannabis. Some of you thought I wasn't going to cover this part of my mom's life. Fact is, it was part of her entire adult life and she was not ashamed of it. Debbie was an advocate for legalizing marijuana, even if she didn't vote. 

Now my family, my mom included, are no strangers to drugs and the hard kind. Per my mom and other courses, weed is from the Earth and you can't overdose on it. Also per my mom, her and her friends tried several times in the 70s. My brother and his friends did also. Supposedly you can only smoke yourself sober also. 

Debbie could roll some of the slimmest joints around and still get you high. She couldn't stand blunts as they were all wet and she thought it was a waste of product. 

Now my mom wasn't a "weed head" but definitely a connoisseur. She knew there wasn't anything wrong with an occasional buzz. She had a lot of good points. That said, these were her thoughts and I don't smoke it personally. 

Debbie was respectful, however, and wouldn't just smoke around you for no good reason. However if you wanted to smoke and she trusted her, she was typically game. Along with weed head, you didn't dare call her a drug addict nor hippie either. 

I definitely miss the passion she had towards marijuana and am honestly glad it's being legal in more spaces. 

Debbie Lanier's Life And Times: Vol 27- Superman!

These next two volumes are of course significant numbers involving my mom so I will cover extra special topics to her. 

My mom didn't get into comics like I did but she loved Superman. She equivocated Superman to Jesus as he is The Man Of Steel and could only be destroyed by kryptonite. 

Debbie watched most of the old movies and nearly every Superman related series there was. She could not get and would criticize the show for creating Clark Kent and giving him glasses but Lois Lane nor anyone else could tell that was Superman. She also wondered how Clark could change into Superman inside of a tiny phone booth. 

My mom did think Superman was so superior to Batman on so many levels such as having actual superpowers, not transforming from a varmint and having way less villains.

Superman was a positive part of my mom's childhood and she loved that he continued to live on and be apart of the DC Universe we see now. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 26: The 60 Minutes Clock

Many show intros impacted us then and now. Debbie's classic was the 60 minutes clock on the show "60 Minutes". She may or may not have watched the episode but you best believe she didn't change the channel until the clock came on and they introduced the cast for that episode.

I think it was inherited from their parents because my uncle is the same way. He has to watch that 60 Minutes clock. 

My mom would get so mad when a sporting event would run over and she would have to wait until sometimes 8pm (her bedtime) to watch the clock.

I cannot watch 60 minutes without thinking of the clock and my mom!

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 25- SUMMER and WARMTH!

It's always cold and the heat is running in January. Debbie hated the cold and complained more and more about it as she got older.

Debbie kept her house like a furnace and at worst a space heater nearby. She longed for summer (90 and above) since she wasn't a hot natured person.

Summertime brought all sorts of good memories for my mom but I think the biggest was comfort. She wore a lot of sweaters and pants but still preferred that to being cold. I kept saying she should move to Florida but we all knew she wasn't leaving Kings Creek until it was time for her to go home. 

Right now she would be bundled up in her bed with the heating pad and the space heater and boiling water to keep the air clear. She would whine from November-March. I'm glad she no longer has that worry.