STARS: How I Have Improved My Concidence and Interaction With Women

I often talk of my earlier struggles socializing with women. Now I look at how many female connections I have: romantic, platonic, etc. 

I had to place myself into the proper place and space. Yes I'm biracial but that didn't matter in Blacksburg in the 80s and 90s. I was black and there was only so much talking I should do to those outside my race. I also became big on who's big on me. The darker females have always given me more attention. Over the years the lighter women showed me more attention as I exuded confidence and self love. 

This confidence came from being at the WU around women from all over the world. I was embraced and loved moreso than my small town. I spoke to and plugged into various folks who hyped me and guided me. 

I went from having barely 3-4 female connections to over 50 connections over the past 30 years: exes, friends, crushes, professional connections, friends that are family. I'm very blessed. 

I still struggle and I don't consider myself a ladies man. I do have adequate confidence and self love..

STARS: How I Have Taken Care of my Cars

I've had 6 six cars in my lifetime and 3 of them have lasted 7 years or better. 

I follow simple practices by keeping my cars serviced, filling up at the halfway mark with unleaded plus, changing tires and spark plugs when the mileage indicates I should. I also keep the anti freeze and other fluids topped off. I also do not drive recklessly nor without abandon. You have to treat a car properly. 

I still have life in the 2017 Elantra and my uncle and I are trying to get a decent price for that. I think it's got 2 years left but for me it's time to start anew and get another vehicle to last another 6-8 years.

STARS: How I Have Navigated The Car Buying Process

I am taking some time off from the Life And Times Of Debbie Lanier series to refocus on the STAR series as I am eyeing another promotion at work. My mom was always understanding and encouraging when I reached for the stars. 

I have purchased 5 automobiles in my life before this past week, 4 from dealerships. I have learned the process well and how to procure a reliable vehicle within budget. 

I research first from company and local dealership deals. I make a scorecard of what features, price, and even how much down I can apply, including an existing automobile. I come prepared to go to up to 4 dealerships and research in a fashion so my credit doesn't drop out of the 700s. I also ensure I don't have any outstanding debt I could pay off or consolidate. 

I then go to the dealership with the mindset of purchasing and taking home the car that day if not the following day. This time I set a goal of at least 3,000 down and monthly payments in the 300s/low 400s for a brand new or a good used vehicle with the other features I wanted. Having my current car paid for is a bonus even I cannot get much or anything within a trade. 

I am still working with the final numbers pending refinancing with my credit union (something I highly recommend) but I was able to get my vehicle for $455/month with insurance remaining the same, no oil change nor routine maintenance for 7,500 miles and getting all that I needed and most of what I wanted out of a brand new car. I expect this car to last at least the 84 months I financed it for unless I decide on a trade before the limited warranties expire. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 33: Gardening

My mom had quite the green thumb and knew how to keep plants alive. 

I know folks that can't keep a cactus alive. Debbie had experience and skills you can't Google nor buy. She had life experience and a daddy that had 2 gardens.

I always remembered my mom having some sort of plant inside and out and always being able to keep them blooming and alive. She said she didn't have patience but yet could raise and care for children, pets and plants. I told her often had she received more encouragement her options could have been wider. 

I keep all of the plants I received following her passing alive and I even have pots to replace them all. 

My mom is proud of the skills and wisdom I gained from her that I still use daily. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol. 32- Babies

Debbie always loved babies and not just her own. She loved babies anywhere: holding then, caring for them, soaking up the youth and criticizing bad parenting. 

My mom coming from a big family was surrounded by babies her entire life. I look through her pictures from childhood well past her 60s and she's constantly and consistently holding a baby. I'm sure that's what she's doing above also, including her angel baby. 

Mom would do all the baby talk, could tell what babies cries mean and you didn't dare whoop a baby in front of her. Now once a baby reached toddler stage, she would still love them. She just wouldn't try to hold them as much. I've heard people say during the infant weeks and months the babies don't do much but puke, poop, etc. Debbie loved that stage as she could spoil a baby easier. 

There was quite the baby boom following her passing: at least 12 babies I know have been born since. Her and I went in on a baby shower gift just two weeks before she went to the hospital. I can see her looking out for those babies from afar and wanting to hold them tight. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Volume 31: The Party House

Debbie definitely had her partying days in the 70s. However once she settled down and became a mom, she was all in. 

She didn't drink anymore, wasn't a lot of hanging out. Mine and Adam's life and activities were hers, especially as we grew older and became more involved.  

Adam was more of the socialite/partner. As his birthday is this week, I can't help but think how he celebrated many occasions right in the comforts of my mom's house. 

Mom was actually a fun mom but had a relax, controlled environment. She may have not agreed with everything Adam and his friends did but she understood that some things that they were going to do as young folks. Debbie thought differently as always. She wanted them to party, drink, and smoke in a safe space and where they were looked after and not judged. 

I know that didn't make sense especially for kids under 18 and Mom got a lot of pushback for this. What others don't realize are the numerous young folks my mom got through to. Teenagers, male and female, confided in and trusted Debbie. She would tell them like it is and would get onto them and mentor them even. My mom wanted them to finish school, work, be productive adults. It was 50/50 overall as half of that crowd back then are also deceased, in jail or are on hardened drugs still. 

Debbie wanted to be that stabilizer as she didn't do hard drugs and would only allow alcohol, weed and pills, no meth or anything of that nature. Ther was no raping, harassing nor fighting either. You got along or you got out. My uncle Kenny was right across the road for the extra riff raff but she fed, clothed and even temporarily housed some of Adam's friends. She just wanted to show them love. 

I can't say personally I agree with that technique but it was a way for my mom to keep her baby boy close to her. She couldn't save him at the end but she saved many others. 

Debbie Lanier's Life and Times: Vol 30- The One

Mom didn't love sports nor the Super Bowl itself. She loved the commercials, halftime show, and the storylines surrounding the games. 

It would be about a month or two before the Super Bowl and she would notice how "one" player would be all in the news, media, viral, etc. Often that player's team would win the Super Bowl.  

This season we had the perfect definition of the "one" with Travis Kelce, especially once he and Taylor Swift began dating. Looking back, I could hear my mom say now "Andrew the one is back. Kansas City is winning the Super Bowl." 

Now if you follow football you know during the regular season the Chiefs didn't dominate as they normally did. They even lost a Christmas Day game where Kelce slammed his helmet on the sidelines. But the playoffs happened and the rest is history. The philosophy of "The One" is back. 

It appeared for years the sporting world didn't talk about one player as much. Now it'll continue and it could be a different "one" next year. 

Argue with your mama, no pun intended!