STARS: How to beat a con or a grift

The latest word in Gaffney is that of one Nigia Dawkins. He has scammed and grifted many in the city, myself included.  He got a ride home and a McDonald's meal out of me once. 

He has gotten way more from others using certain lines, scripts, and even a connection with recently deceased rapper Nipsey Hussle. He also started a clothing line and ripped people off this way. 

The saddest part is not how long he has been getting over on folks. It's that there are many, many other Nigias that need to be brought to justice.  

I analyze a person's past behavior, if I know of them first. Also, if someone is saying they are raising money for a charity or organization, I am wanting to know which one so I can research it. 

Another thing I see if there are certain things they say or how they approach  me. Chain messages are definitely a red flag. Additionally, saying they need me to call or meet them ASAP. 

Also, this is how Nigia got me. He said he wanted to stop in McDonald's so we went to the drive thru. He claimed not to have any cash and asked if I would pay.  The trap was set. If you are in this situation, always go into the restaurant or pick a restaurant that allows you to go inside (no drive through types like a Sonic). It also goes without saying it is best to do this before nightfall when more places are open. 

If you know this is an habitual con artist, document every occurrence and get the finest details, down to the time of day. I then contact law enforcement and have him brought to justice.  

Finally, I keep my script and system for any future grifters.  I do have a big heart and I give to the less fortunate. However, always be aware of whom or what you are giving to. And if you travel alone at night, do not give them a ride if you do not know them. Offer to call an Uber or a Lyft. 

Also, cash is a no go to certain people and if it's a business, ask for retail licenses, credentials and such. Since I am a small time retailer, I know what all they are supposed to have. If they stammer and beat around the bush, you beat it. 

We need to have a plan in place to make an example of those who think they can get over like Nigia has did for years. A free meal is one thing. A month's salary (yes he has did this) is a different ballgame. 

STARS: Dealing With a Coworker that pushes your buttons

We all have that difficult coworker/manager/leader/work bully at our jobs.  I will show you how you can wave them off. 

You should try to ignore and avoid them first. Do not initiate any type of contact or interaction with them. 

Second, if they do interact with you in a negative fashion, keep a note of how many times and what time they did such. 

Next, try talking with them, addressing any issues you may have with them. It is often that may tough situations can be rectified when both parties come to an understanding and agreement.  

Now if that person continues a pattern of harassment and disrespect, go to your manager, your HR department, the GM and even the corporate office.  You do not deserve inferior treatment in your place of employment and you must set the precedent. 

STARS: Finding a New Place to Live

Moving and relocating are both tough. Hitting the reset button on life is tougher.

That said, many of us have problems finding a new permanent or forever home. Renting isn't hard; it's the housing process.

The last part isn't easier if you have land.

You have to look at your budget first and what you can afford. If you plan to build, figure those costs in.

Next, find a good realtor and/or contractors.

Also, figure in home improvement and insurance costs. Being saving money by working overtime at your job, and/or working extra jobs. A penny saved is a penny earned. 

Next, zero in on your forever home and make sure it meets your personal preferences. These of course include area, distance from job, school system, etc.

Finally, move into your home, get your keys and enjoy yourself. Moving may be the next STAR topic. 

When They See Us: Nothing New But A Harsh Reminder

I will resume with the STAR series next week as I have a STAR class on Friday. 

But the big watch this weekend was actually When They See Us on Netflix.  It recounts the late 80s case in New York with the Central Park Five wrongly accused of rape and assault.

It's another reminder of how flawed and biased the U.S. justice system is towards black men. Other races get it as well but blacks get it in higher numbers. We have seen the Shawshanks, Hurricanes, and even Life. It's a narrative that has been shoved in our faces but one we cannot lose sight of.

These types of shows both anger and inspire me. It shows why we need to know about the justice system, vote, know our rights and laws and how to fight properly in court. Having a public defender in certain cases will not get the job done, period.

I'm also glad that these now men are doing positive things and haven't let this experience keep them in the system. Nearly 12 years of their lives, not to mention their youth, was robbed and that is not cool.

We have to continue to reverse the narrative and stand for the right things and against the wrong ones.

STARS: Choosing a Workout Instructor/Trainer

This is to continue on last week's post.

We now want to focus on the person or persons that can help you reach your summertime goals, as well as the remainder of the year. Often this is an instructor or a trainer.  Often they are one in the same but the process is similar.

Find out what style of teaching you like and the intensity level you want. If it's HIIT or body pump/RIP, then go with someone that specializes there for example. Try out some classes, go off of recommendations and reviews, see results.

Also, see the instructor's style. How hard do they drive the class? Do they greet you and notice they are there? How is the music selection? Everyone learns differently, and often you need to see for yourself.

Next, see how flexible your schedule/wallet is with the instructor/trainer. This is often the most difficult process. There are several classes and trainers I want to work with, but scheduling conflicts interfere.

Finally, see who you are getting the best results from after about two months and you may have an instructor that can take you to greater heights.

Instructors can be the greatest people in our fitness journey or the worst.  Obviously one would want the former.

STARS: Revamping Your Workout Plan/Regime

I am currently in this process as I fine tune for summer.

Your workouts may be stagnant or nonexistent so here's how you can breathe some life back into them.

First off, keep doing what works. This includes days, location, hours, certain workouts.

Next, add in extra sessions and workouts where necessary to shock the body and routine up some.

Look at your work and social schedule and see where it would be best to work out and get up. If you are devoted to movie and taco night, then you will have to readjust.

Keep a journal of your weigh ins (weekly), food consumed, and your actual workout sessions.

Finally, get help from a trainer and class, even virtual.  There are so many great ones out there you would have to do your research to see what works best for your body type, schedule and regimen.  Perhaps that can be next week's STAR format.

Good luck, you can do it!

STARS: Closing a Controversial Social Media Post

You have just posted something to social media that has stirred the pot and has a lot of people's emotions on 10. You could just delete it but you really believe in what you posted. The timing or wording just might not have been proper.

First, make sure everyone stays on topic and there is no bashing.  After about the 30th comment, it gets more notice in the algorithm, allowing almost 3 times as many folks to see it.

You then have a mediator or two that has your back and can make trolls and keyboard warriors go away. I call these conversation closers.

Next, delete the comments that are irrelevant, ridiculous and disrespectful. The same goes with the people. Some should be hidden, others deleted, the rest blocked. One thing about posts like this is you discovered who shouldn't be allowed to troll your postings.

After this, the post tends to die down and you have made your point. Continue posting what you believe and filter out the folk that just wanna be difficult.