I Love Nicki Minaj! 😍

I'm going somewhere with this title, so continue reading.

Many men may not necessarily love hip hop artist/actress/model Nicki Minaj. However, they love the stereotypical woman she betrays. Gorgeous face, body, insatiable sex appeal, perfect smile, and even that weird alien voice. Finally, she is viewed as a slutty, immoral freak. Do all men want this type of woman? Of course not. But there are men that like this, or at least find this type of woman very appealing.

Women like Nicki Minaj are rarely long term, wife material. They are often teases, whores and are often good for one night. They do possess traits that we like to see in our girlfriends and even wives. We like a female that is comfortable with her sexuality, is very confident, fashion conscious, and knows how to please a man and what they want.

Now now ladies how is this different than your fantasies? You like the men with the bald heads (thank you by the way), long beards, dreads, Timbs, washboard abs, and street cred. Many of you seem to want the same type of man and then have the audacity to bash a man for wanting a type of promiscuous girl.

I do realize most of this is a phase and fantasy. However when fantasy crosses into reality, there can be problems. You have to be compatible with a person all the way: body, mind and spirit. When reading Proverbs 31 referring to the virtrous woman, there is no mention of her outer appearance. Being older has made me realize this matters more than many will admit. Having the total package is much better. You don't want a woman long term that a Nicki Minaj represents. These come a dime a dozen. You want that rare person that comes into your life that you can't stop thinking about that changes the game for you. These dimes are pure and hold more value.

So yes love what Nicki Minaj has to offer and how she arouses you. But don't forget what she represents.

Dating and Candy Crush Saga: How They Are Similar

The current popular cell phone game is Candy Crush Saga. People log many hours and data to play this game.  They connect through social media to get more incentives such as lives, tickets, etc.

However, the game itself is often more luck and chance based than skill. It's more about opportunities and spending money on the power-ups. Without these, people will be stuck on levels for weeks and months.

So what does this have to do with love and dating? Well, often dating can also rely on a little luck, circumstance and other such factors. Here are some ways that dating and Candy Crush are similar.

1. Both are addictive.

Most every stage and level of dating: meeting, talking, courting, sex, and just being together is hard to pull away from. We have all been victims of it, especially in the early stages. Candy Crush is no different. People play it from dawn until dusk, and every free minute in between. 

2. Putting out money gives you an edge.

It's sad but true with both.  When one dates, you may only put out small amounts for dinners, movies, candy, and gifts, and larger amounts for jewelry, vacations, and holidays. Candy Crush players know that having those powerups simply make any level easier.  This is why there are so many of them and they sell like hotcakes. 

3. Making the right moves at the right times is key

Of course in Candy Crush (especially the jelly levels), combining the right candies and avoiding some of the quick combinations can help you clear the level quicker.  You only have a certain amount of moves.  In the game of love, it's like chances. A good person will only give another so many times to screw up or say the wrong thing before they're doing like a Candy Crush addict and begging for more chances (lives.)

4. Power in numbers

Whether it be lives, moves, or friends and contacts, both rely heavily on outside assistance.  It can be a village mentality. You help set up your friend on a date, talk them up, just as you would be sending a ticket to a fellow Crusher so they can unlock another episode.

5. You get into ruts and get stuck.

At times, even in committed relationships, you can feel you're stuck in a slump. No dates or very little affection. This can be no different than being stuck on a level for days and weeks. Often you have to walk away and come back to it fresh.

6. Jealously and self-doubt can set in.

You see many people getting married, having children, and living happy love lives. The feeling can equal when you're stuck on level 53 of Candy Crush, and everyone you know is in the high 200s, or even the mid 300s. You want to know why and how they did it, and why are you still stuck on where you're at.

Of course, love and dating are real and Candy Crush Saga is simply a game. One should not make dating into a game. Rather it should be a journey, where you're patient and you focus on yourself and your own progress.

Lovers and New Years: Out With The Old, In With The New

We have less than one month left in the year 2012. As 2013 approaches, we reevaluate several different things and aspects of our lives. Often our love lives are one of the main things that need rejuvenation, after bodies and bank accounts.

It's very possible the very person you kiss on Christmas morning and New Year's night will not be in your life for Valentine's Day. They may not even make it into the new year with you.

There are a few scenarios to examine here. 

1. New relationship.

You have been together for six months or less. You're anxious to see what direction the relationship will take. Perhaps you two haven't been intimate yet, or you haven't met their families. Either way, there are some decisions to make to see if you make it long term with this individual.

2. Long term relationship

You have been together for a while, perhaps you live together. Maybe an engagement could be coming soon. Either way, both of you have been through a lot together and invested lots of time. If the relationship is stagnant and there is no projected growth, it may be time to reevaluate and possibly take a break or end it altogether.

3. Single and possibly lonely.

Let me also add over 30. You have been alone during the holidays for the umpeth year, perhaps by choice. You are evaluating your life and standards to ensure that in 2013 that you at least have more options. This thing shouldn't be rushed, but like a good sports coach, changes in your game plan may be necessary.

Irregardless of your situation or scenario, it is best to start now, rather than on 1-1-2013 to make adjustments, draw another game plan, and improve your romantic standing. Time waits for no one.

Doing this will ensure that you are much more prepared as you wrap up yet another year.

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Seven Vices other than drugs and alcohol

Many know I don't smoke, drink, or take recreational drugs. This prompted an ex-girlfriend a few years back to ask me what my vice was. A vice is like an addiction, except it is not always dangerous I have a couple actually, as many of us do.

Here are seven of these such vices that exist.

1. Unhealthy food and drinks

People are consuming more of these now that the weather is cooler. Tasty sweet foods, desserts, buffets, and sodas are just some of the things that many crave. They also cannot do without them. That sugar rush has said to be equivalent to the type of rush crack addicts get. That sounds a little scary to me.

2. Social media

This is personally one of my biggest vices. Heck I have blogged about it on occasion. Currently Facebook and Twitter are the ones that are hot that have been around for so long. Now you have the two newcomers Instagram and Pinterest keeping the social media craze alive. People love to take photos, and they want to capture every moment via Instagram. Pinterest is good for photos, showcasing your interests, and putting certain items in a scrapbook type format. Many folks spend countless hours on some sort of social networking site and apps. It's a self-expression for them.

3. Entertainment (television, music, movies).

These forms of entertainment are good ways to escape from your normal life and to unwind. Television keeps a person's attention, whether be a football game, a suspenseful drama, the political debates, or a reality show. Music is the universal language, and has really become enhanced thanks to iTunes and Pandora. You can listen to music of all times virtually anywhere. Movies are cheap to rent and stream thanks to Netflix and Redbox. Then you have film buffs such as I than enjoy catching a movie at least once per week.

4. Sex

Sex is one of the greatest ways to express your love and affection for someone else. You see sex everywhere now, including in some of the previously mentioned vices. There are those that love it that much. You even have sex addicts or "nymphos”. They can't get enough of it.

5. Gambling

Gambling is one of the more dangerous of the vices I'm listing. Yes even the education lottery is gambling. Vegas, Atlantic City, and numerous Native American casinos stay in business due to folks being addicted to gambling. It is so serious there is Gamblers Anonymous just like AA and NA. You can ruin your life and the others around you through gambling.

6. Working Out.

Yes as much as I love health and wellness, even working out is a vice. I mentioned a couple of years ago about "The Gym Rat" There is a reason this term is so popular, and that is because these people spent so much time in the gym seven days/week, for two and three hours at a time. Your body needs rest to properly recover and even if you're a professional athlete or bodybuilder, you must set a limit. It is awesome to get those stunning results and compliments from others. Nevertheless, you want to be able to enjoy those accolades.

7. Shopping

Women have been known for years for spending hours in the mall, spending hundreds of dollars. Present day, both genders are spending lots of money in various fashions and forms of shopping. Online shopping has become huge, especially with eBay and Amazon, and one can easily spend hours dishing out money. Convenience can make one more apt to do or try something. The explosion of coupons, Groupons, and LivingSocial deals has also made it easier just to shop the day and night away.

So what is your vice, if not drugs and alcohol?

 

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The First Date Was A Success, Now What?

I personally believe I'm not only good at first dates, but also second dates. However, I can't say my track record is the best beyond that. I have been on several dates with people that I later didn't get into a romantic relationship with. However, I knew I had to improve on my second date skills if I were to improve my love life.

The getting to know you phase in a relationship or romantic encounter is awesome. Many of us, do not start showing our true selves until the second, or even the third date.

You definitely want to go more extravagant date wise. If you did dinner for the first date, go to a nicer place, and even budget for a movie. You can then see how cool the opposite sex is with you in an intimate setting.

This date should preferly not be at the home, or around too many close family or friends. You are still trying to feel this person out, see how they are. This is the time to learn their long term and short term goals, their feelings regarding sex and marriage, and even what else interests them.

Creativity is fine for the second date. A play, a concert, or even a festival would be nice. Walking and talking can build the chemistry further, and it can ease the tension.

Finally, the date is over. Unless you established it earlier, I wouldn't try for a nightcap just yet. Simply give that person a gentle hug and kiss on the cheek, forehead or the lips. You can do more if both of you are feeling it. However, take your time.

That being said, if they are interested, date number three should not be far away. And unless both parties are celibate, sexual feelings should be expressed in some form at this time. Aggression is not necessary, but the other person must establish that you are very attracted to them and this is more than a friendship. The second date usually starts determining whether you're going to be friends, enemies, or potential mates.

Most of what I said can be applied to a third date, and I may write another piece about the third date. Just keep in mind the second date needs to be good and relaxed. It's similar to a second interview for a job. You're trying to close the deal. To achieve more, you naturally must do more. Also, show that you will continue to do so throughout the relationship with each passing date.

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Friends Can Be Lovers, Really?

Yes it is possible.

There will be many out there that will tell you friends cannot be lovers, and vice versa. It is not easy, and requires a special connection between the two parties, but it can happen.

First, each person must know their role. Feelings can get wrapped up easily and you have to balance them and balance them well. Agendas and long term plans should be thrown out the window.

Also, have a strong foundation. Life does go on for grown folks after the loving is over. These friends can help make you a better mate, tell you where you went wrong with them, and how to improve. It's almost as if you are practicing for the big game.

Also, to reinterate, you are adults, NOT teenagers. You should not burn bridges with that person unless things were really bad. Most things can and should be forgiven.

Recognize the new status in the ex-lover's life and accept it with grace. Do not relive it, and give them their space.

Ultimately, you can be lovers and friends, but not always at the same time. You will usually transition to one or the other, but not both. Going back and forth is also confusing and hurtful. Once you have taken that step, you must either date, get married, or stay friends. Adults don't play around forever. It's fun for a while, but it does get old.

So again its possible for friends to be lovers and lovers to be friends. It is a different type of friendship that requires a different type of effort and emotion. Maturity and mutual respect are required.

Finally, do not get so hung up on expressing yourself to your friend. If they do not understand and stray from you, they really weren't your friend, or at least the type of friend you needed. Ladies and gentlemen, life is short. Go for what your heart desires!

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Top 7: Ways/Hints that you are getting a female to go the distance late

Ok this started with a conversation in one of my FB groups. Many of you know I'm old school. However, I try to stay hip to new lingo, especially when it comes to sex and love. Back when I was in my teens and early twenties, asking a female to"chill" was simply that. Now it almost always implies sex, ESPECIALLY if its late night. Remember the old saying "Nothing good happens after midnight" I'm also starting to realize this as I grow older.

I decided for this week's Top 7 to compile a list of inneudos fellas often use to get into a woman's drawers during the late hours. Don't worry fellas, I'm not Steve Harvey, I'm only giving away scraps, not our entire repertoire. Some things should remain sacred.

1. Chill.

This is obviously #1. Ladies, 9 times out of 10, a guy is not telling you to come chill late at night for company. He wants more, and the later the hour, the more he expects, especially if he's known you a while.

2. Coffee

This is age old, but still a goodie. A guy will often invite a gal in for coffee after a late night date or party. This of course is designed to keep you awake for potential extracurricular activity, plus still give you enough juice to drive home that night if you're sober.

3. Movie marathon

He may invite you over to watch a few movies in the early evening.  This could turn into a movie marathon, and then a sex marathon. If the guy has like a stack of 10 DVDs and later starts playing Luther or Marvin in the background, another marathon may begin.  Have on the appropriate shoes, whether you're ready to hop in the bed, or run for cover out the nearest exit.

4. You're drunk, sleep it off here.

Due to excessive partying, drinking, and strict DUI laws, this is also effective. The guy may also be genuinely concerned. However, if he was helping you get to this drunken state, he may have had an agenda. Our judgment is obviously impaired when we're under the influence, so please be careful and take precaution beforehand.

5. Waffle House/Dennys

This could apply to any after hours joint. The two of you decide to go to Waffle House, Dennys, White Castle, or somewhere open late to fill that craving. This craving you're filling could also lead to another craving the guy is having. Don't be caught off guard, it does happen.

6. It's Too Late For You To Drive Home.

A number of scenarios, even some previously mentioned could lead to this. You have been up studying late for a big exam, partying, movies, or "chilling" for real. This time, though, the guy doesn't brew any coffee or have any energy drinks available. He would rather you stay the night and not be out alone as a single female. This may be true, but this is also an opportunity for him to seduce you. Your judgement is still in tact so use it.

7. Late night house party

It is definitely the season for these. Cookouts, bonfires, and just drinking parties. Rather than go home, the host may offer that some of the guests stay the night (especially if its a small party). This could quickly turn into an all night orgy, or just where folks pick and choose who they wanna be we.

The reality is, casual sex still does happen. More often than naught, if you're a woman and you're with a man late, sex is almost inevitable or anticipated. We do have other techniques and tricks for getting the cookie, but these are 7 basics to watch for.

Finally, be careful who you trust and "chill" with

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Virgin: Is it still a dirty word?

Remember your first time having sex? Or have you yet to experience that first time, special moment in a person's life (rite of passage if you will for any adult, and some children unfortunately). It seems that remaining a virgin and waiting does not hold as much clout and importance as it once did. Now in our sex-crazed, Generation Z world, being a virgin does not seem good at all. It paints you as a Jesus-freak, a loser, and just as being inexperienced. Really???

There is increased pressure on folks to lose their virginity, especially once they become a teenager. Madonna even made a song about it in the 80s' "Like A Virgin" Never mind the dangers of STDs such as AIDS and herpes or early teenage pregnancy. For guys, it's a badge of honor, makes them look cool when they lose their virginity early on in life. For girls, it makes them appear trampy and whoreish in nature. However, many girls will give up their virginity early just so a certain guy (or guys) will like them and continue to date them. Both instances are ultimately self-esteem driven.

I just watched the teen movie "Easy A" starring Emma Stone who also played in the comedy classic "Superbad". The story is a spin on the timeless classic "The Scarlet Letter" where a young lady was chastised for losing her virginity, becoming pregnant, and forced to wear an "A" for "adulterer" stitched to her cllothing. Instead, the main character, Olive Penderghast (Stone), fakes that she loses her virginity to an older man during the weekend to avoid spending it with her best friend and her "free-spirited" parents. Anyways, they're in the girl's room talking about the fake sexual experience, and one person hears. From there, the entire school knows that Olive has lost her virginity. She then is immediately painted as a skank, especially by the Christian groups. Olive decides to keep the lie going when various guys (gays, foreigners, overweight losers, nerds) approach her with money and gift cards to say that they lost their virginity to her. Her popularity soars, but not in the right way. Basically, Olive embraced the rumors (unlike most teenage girls), and used her virginity as a weapon, rather than a burden. She evens embroiders the letter "A" on all of her clothing. It portrays how even sadder and Hellish it has become to be a teenager in these times.

Many folks don't wanna wait until marriage because they either don't plan on being married anytime soon (if at all) or they want to be more experienced sexually once they meet that "one". Another saying I've heard for years is the analogy to buying a car "You don't buy a car without test driving it first". Therefore, that statement alone prompts many people into having pre-marital coitus.

There's another school of thought on this matter, brought forth by one of my long-time classmates and friends who is currently in seminary. He proudly saved his virginity for marriage, and now has a wonderful marriage of 10 years with two wonderful young sons. Here are a couple of links he provided for me, building the case of how saving your virginity actually can make for lower divorce rates, higher satisfaction in their sexual life, and a stronger maritial union. http://www.livescience.com/culture/delay-sex-makes-better-relationships-101228.html and
http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html

However, another person brings a rebuttal here, stating that these studies are skewed and biased, and that saving your virginity for marriage doesn't guarantee marital success and bliss. Here are some links he also shared with me http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/11/lies-damned-lies-and-medical-science/8269/ and http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20061220/premarital-sex-the-norm-in-america

Here's my take on the entire topic. Pre-marital sex is indeed wrong according to the Holy Bible and considered fornication. If you're leading a strong Christian life, one should endeavor to hold on to virginity until marriage. Granted, God will still forgive you if you do not. However, that is not a license to be loose with it (or even to lie about losing it like Olive did in "Easy A"). Regardless, don't EVER be pressured into having sex. Everyone peaks at different times in their lives. I would tell anyone (especially the young folks) that sex is much beter and more satisfying when you actually love that person and it's not a random fling. You may end up regretting it if only lust is involved. Even for guys, one night of passion can often be overrated. Also, use, USE, USE protection. And I mean latex condoms. Birth control pills are not 100% effective, so be as safe as can be. Just take your time. It's really not a race to lose the label "virgin". Just be who you are and don't let others define you.

Sex is truly a beautiful thing, one of the single greatest acts of affection you can show towards a person. Virginity is special also. Whatever decision you make in your lives (or have made and continue to make), be responsible and stand by it 100%. There is no turning back that clock.