Food, Friends and Fun

McDonald's had a slogan in the 90s: food, folks, and fun. I thought I would put a spin on this with the title.

We often bond with friends, family and our significant others well over a hot cooked meal. Mainly because we all have to eat and especially in the South where most of us enjoy a good meal, it is a good way to relax and unwind from any busy work and such.

The family meal used to be a staple for years. Families would gather in front of the dining room table at dinnertime and talk about their day. Amazing, isn't it? You have some families (and even groups of friends) that go to lunch and/or dinner together at least once/week. Heck in my area, there are certain spots that are perfect for this. You have Chuck E Cheese for the younger folks, and places such as Broncos Mexican Restaurant for the adults.

I remember as a boy, my mom would take us to dinner at least a couple of times per week. During the week it was mostly fast food (unless we were going to Pizza Hut to cash in rewards from the Book It program) and on weekends it was the local fish camp or steakhouse. We loved to eat and it was a perfect bonding experience.

This weekend, restaurants have been jam packed due to tax season and Valentine's Day. Many friends and family have more disposable cash to go out for drinks and food. Also, this weekend is the perfect time for lovers to express themselves and this amour towards one another. It's a simple but effective way of spending time together.

I have found out that if you want people to show up anywhere, have food available. Once again, we all have to eat. I have met friends numerous times over meals, big and small. It is an awesome way to stay in touch.

How often do you and your friends/family go out to eat together? Where are some of your favorite meeting spots?

Embracing Being Single

Valentine's Day is the one holiday that tries and make single folks feel bad about being single. It is the day that ultimately spawned cuffing season (explained in another blog.).

However, if you're single, things aren't all bad. Many people are unspoken for by choice. Some do not need to be committed to anyone period. Either way, the day is supposed to be about loving each other, not just our significant other.

Another point here is that one must be able to fully love themselves before they can expect another person to accept their love. This can take a lot of work and there should be no timetable on this.

Also, society in general tries to force people together. This goes from the churches, the workplace and even the economy. In their eyes, getting married and having a family keeps the country populated and keeps commerce flowing. Families do spend more money than single folks statistically.

Despite all of this, enjoy the single life and don't let any factors sway you from it.  Work on yourself, learn to love, spend more time with close friends and family and soak in the benefits. Oftentimes the best person to be around is yourself.

Now if you do not truly want to be single, that's a different story. Either way, live in the moment and take every change and scenario as they come along.

When Valentine's Day comes, give of yourself. Participate in social and church activities, chaperone a children's party or dance, and simply make extra time for yourself as you would your partner.

I'm not saying to give up on love, or even marry yourself. Simply enjoy your current state of life. Today is a gift, the present.

Remember biblical scholars, everyone is not meant to have someone. Paul never married for instance.

What are your feelings towards single folks? Do you believe there is someone for everyone?

Loving past February and Valentine's Day

This week of course is one of love, culminating with St. Valentine's Day. During most commercialized holidays, many industries make a lot of money. For this holiday, it's the candy, flower, card restaurant, spa, and hotel corporations and companies that are expected to make a killing.

A killing all in the name of love.

Love is a beautiful thing, and being in love and expressing these emotions are wonderful.  However, why must we ONLY do this once, or even a few times a year? If you love someone or something, some sort of gesture should be made everyday. 

I will start with Christians and loving the Lord. Most who know me know how I cannot stand how hype church folks get after a certain Sunday service, then I don't see nor hear them make further mention of God or Jesus until the next week. I throw Matthew 6:5-8 at them. That verse can actually be a good theme for this entire blurb, especially my next point. 

This Valentine's, you will see all sorts of flowers, candies and gifts delivered to workplaces and schools nationwide. I have two quips here: why make that type of gesture when you are going to see them that evening?, and why don't you do this regularly? It seems too many reserve this for Valentine's, birthday, anniversary, or another special occasion. 

Next is loving your fellow person. This could be your parents, children, other family members, friends, and such.  We don't show or send our affection often enough. Whenever me and my circle of friends or family get together, we always  express this, as we want to make every moment count.

Therefore, whatever you do on this holiday of love, make it count and don't use the day as an excuse to do something special.  Let us endeavor to do this everyday, even with some simple words. Now that's love. 

Indecent and Inappropriate: How And Where NOT To Propose To A Woman

Valentine's Day is coming up this Thursday. I have been writing more about love over the past year. I decided for this Valentines to focus on all the engagements and proposals that occur on this day.

First let me start by saying it's predictable and clique' to get engaged or propose on Valentines. Yes the day is about love. However, proposals are supposed to be memorable, spontaneous, and unique. Nothing unorthodox about proposing on February 14th. I call it the gift and ring ceremony with all the flowers, candies, balloons, bears and rings I see posted on social media on this day.

To me, a marriage proposal shouldn't be a grand gesture, or even on a holiday or birthday. It should be sort of a surprise. The parents of the bride should be asked for their blessing, I believe that's only fair. However public spectacles such as on the Jumbotron at a professional sporting event or where a huge crowd is has been done a million times.

Keep your proposal simple, like during the commercial break of Family Guy. Also, pick another day other than Valentines. Propose marriage in the car or even during dinner at home. Either way, be creative and different. That would mean don't hide the ring inside food or beverages.

Here are two proposals I enjoyed. One was at the beach. This couple had went for a weekend getaway. The man had written "Will You Marry Me?" in the sand, then called his lady to look outside the balcony. Besides the writing in the sand, he was kneeling with the ring.

Another good one was a scavenger hunt. This fella send his wife to be on a well thought out quest and game, till she found the ring in a tree. He popped the question right then.

Now, certain things, including asking for the parents blessing, should not go out of style. Don't spend more than three months of your income on the ring. Getting down on one knee is hard to beat. Make sure marriage has been discussed, and you both are ready. The rest can fall in place.

The point is: be original! Propose on President's Day. Do research and find other ideas for proposing. Also, if you insist on people being present, keep the crowd small. A few close friends and family will do. Finally, do not feel it necessary to post the proposal to YouTube. It is a romantic moment, but a private one. Again, go against the grain.

A good, non-clique' proposal can wow that special someone and lead to a wonderful life together. The thought thus really does count.

Power Couples: Can You Handle Being One

I've been waiting to blog about this for some time. And I thought that Valentine's Day was as good of a time as any.

I discuss with several females, and even males, about the type of mate they eventually want to settle with. While ladies tend to be more selective, guys typically will not just marry anyone. Basically, both sides have to be bringing something substantial to the table. It seems nowadays, though, folks are striving (sometimes desperately) to achieve their goal of being in a power couple.

A power couple is defined by society as one where one or both of them are very accomplished financially, socially, and intellectually. Think Will and Jada Smith (before the scandals) and now our First Family, President Barack Obama, and his first lady, Michelle.

Black people, especially, first got a taste via television of the power couple when The Jeffersons were on the air with George and Weezy. Then things seemed to really change when the Cosby Show came on the air. There was a successful two-parent black family on TV, and at one period of time was the #1 rated show on TV. Father Cliff Huxtable was a doctor, and mother Claire Huxtable was a lawyer. Surface-wise, this appears to be the ideal match, especially since many folks were also taught from childhood to seek well rounded, successful mates.

My thing is that are folks too obscessed with finding a mate to form a powerful merger with, rather than seeking love? Yes I know love doesn't conquer all and a relationship needs more than love to survive long term. My thing is these females that are looking and expecting every man to be 100% perfect when they themselves are barely 80%. They want their man to be Cliff, Will, Denzel, or Barack. Men want their women to be Halle, Janet, Michelle, or even Beyonce' . What happened to falling in love, and building a successful life together?

I heard a comedian say a while back that while many folks are seeking this "perfect mate", they may end up with a Carl Winslow or a Regina King. Not that there is anything wrong with either person, actor, or character. It is just some come to the realization that perfection is impossible to obtain, but love isn't. These folks may be your dreamboat, even if society doesn't deem it so.

I had an aunt and uncle recently celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. I consider them a power couple because of the merger and marriage they built, the longevity and not by society's confusing standards. This couple worked hard all their lives, raised 4  children, owned their own home, two cars, etc. Mediocre by some, but to me, excellence.

Personally, I feel that my "power match" will be a lady that is the total package. She has it all balanced despite any flaws, between looks, intelligence, and personality.  I feel as long as we both put in the work, trust and love each other and always communicate, this is a realistic dream for me.

Many have heard of the 80/20 rule and we often get caught up in that while trying to build a power couple. Once again, simply be realistic, and allow your heart to stay open.

Also, allow the Lord to order your steps. He will surely help send this person your way if he intends so. Remember 1 Corinthians 4-8, especially verse 8 "Love Never Ends"

Enjoy this day of love, but do not ever feel like your mate is not capable of being your power match because of this, that, and the third. It's cool to look up to famous marriages, and has been a practice for centuries. Just don't forget to look inside your heart, and make sure its in sync with your brain. After all, you have to live with this person and share a life. So make sure its someone that possesses those simple but vital qualities and not just a gleaming facade of a prince straight out of a Disney movie.

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Cuffing: Boo Season in full swing

Ok this is my first post of 2012. I actually shelfed it from last month/last year.  It involves something you see all the time during the winter, but called by a named so unorthodox its not even in the Urban Dictionary.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is cuffing.

Ok for those of you that don't know the term, here it is. It is where women start around October just as the fall weather is setting in, trying to get a significant other.  Many women do not want to be alone during the winter holidays.  Plus, it ensures they get Christmas gifts, someone to kiss on New Year's night, and that they get flowers, candy, etc, on Valentine's Day.

The sad part about all of this is that many women during this time aren't cuffing the man of their dreams or a potential hubby. They are simply getting a familiar face, an old friend, fallback guy, or all the above. Sometime between February 15 and the start of Spring, this relationship has a high failure rate.  It doesn't seem to be a coincidence that Spring is referred to as breakup season. 

Ladies, its cool if all you want is genuine love or even to have a cut buddy, that's fine. But to use someone at ANY time just so you won't be alone is not the business. It makes all women look like opportunistic gold diggers.  Please chill with the cuffing. 

I honestly feel like I'm currently being cuffed. I feel like I'm finally free from this one chick who ended up being fast, wild, and drama filled. The other one I've known for a while. A future is uncertain but since I'm single I'm chilling, guarding my heart and wallet,  and letting the chips fall as they may.

To me, cuffing is crafty, grimey, and borders on thirstiness. Many of you remember my thirst blog from last year.  I just pray that anyone who is in a new relationship can beat the odds and make it last past the cold winter months. If its for real, it should stand the changing of seasons.

Meanwhile, being that this is a holiday weekend, go out and look around at all of the couples cuddled together at the movies, basketball games, MLK events, etc. Almost 50% of these relationships will be ended by April on average, similar to the divorce rate.

Scary, eh, fellas? Don't be gullible, make sure you know what's real, before you end up cold and lonely when its warm and friendly out. 

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New Zodiac? How can you measure love compatibility now?

I'm being sarcastic here with this title.

For generations, many folks (especially astrologists and females) have used the 12 astrological signs (Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius) for various methods of comparing folks, identifying them, and measuring love compatibility. And now there's a 13th sign, Ophiuchus (for those born between November 29th and December 17th). This bumps back every other sign now according to new zodiac sign charts. Under the old standards, I was a Cancer. Now I'm supposedly a Gemini. What the heck???

I figured since today was Valentine's Day, this would be an appropriate topic to discuss. I've been suprised over the years the various ways in which women choose their mate. Finances, education, skin color (light, dark), body type, height, and now zodiac signs. The perceptions of the latter are definitely skewed now for those sorts of folks.

Zodiac and astrology should be used with caution and logic. I definitely believe the moon, Earth and stars has a profound effect on our emotions. However, the recent observation of a 13th zodiac sign proves we shouldn't have blinders on in these analyses. For example, Cancers are supposedly most compatible to Scorpios. I've been attracted to many Scorpios, but their traditional traits are that are jealous and possessive. Those are BOTH negative traits to me, so how can I be fully compatible to a Scorpio then. Could it be because I am now a Gemini? Give me a break!

Now what about horoscopes? I definitely can't find much validity in those. You can read horoscopes off of 3 different websites and out of two different newspapers. You would be hard-pressed to find any two that are exactly alike. I know I have yet to.

I'm not saying astrology and zodiac signs are complete hogwash. What I am saying is don't obscess over it and based your entire life around it. Many folks are already calling the scientist that discovered the 13th sign a nutcase. I'm not sure what to perceive of it. Except that I was born a Cancer, and I think that should make me a Cancer for life. Nothing against Geminis, but I don't wanna change to a Gemini in my 30s. That is ridiculous!

I also encourage folks to pick your mate based on your love and affection towards them and how compatible you ACTUALLY are after learning about each other, spending time together, etc. Don't use each other's signs to determine that. It does not always work well. If it did, horoscopes would be more consistent, the divorce rate would be lower, and you wouldn't have so many single folks on this day of love.

Zodiac signs can be worst than stereotyping folks based on race, size, age, etc. It's another trait if you ask me. Let's see people for people, the human race. The technology age (of which I have a love/hate relationship with) has already made society more interpersonal. If we continue to rely on ever-changing, flawed factors such as zodiac signs, things are doomed to fail.

Happy Valentine's Day and my hope is you are NOT with your Valentine's (or staying away from a potential Valentine) just because a certain indicator (not a deal-breaker, those are different) told you so. Free your mind, and use your own mind and instincts.