The Ship Has Sank! Seven Ways You Know The Relationship Is Over

Well you're probably wondering whether the "ship" is worth saving or is it damaged permanently. This doesn't mean just a romantic relationship. It could be a friendship, partnership, or most any type of bond ending with the suffix "ship". You're probably at odds whether or not it's really over and should you move forward. Here are a few ways one can know.

1. It has become more one sided.

The person involved only sees or talks to you when it's convenient for them, and they always want something. It's no longer give and take. It's take and take, and take again. This is extremely unhealthy.

2. One of four major factors keeps breaking down

These four are: honesty, communication, trust and respect. These are all vital for any "ship" to stay afloat. Once the point is reached where you cannot do this, you should have a definite answer.

3.  They cut themselves out of your life.

You no longer hang out, talk, or even like each other's statuses and pictures on social media. At this point, it's like trying to water a plant that has already died. Resuscitation isn't going to help when they have already pulled the plug mentally.

4. Tension is high

That good feeling and vibe you once got about them has vanished. You feel uncomfortable and on edge around them. Also, one can feel unsafe and sick.

5. No effort on their part

The bond has been broken and they are not trying to address nor fix it. They are not trying to work on the "ship".

6. Both of you have changed/evolved.

Life happens , both of you start simply growing apart from each other. This isn't always a bad thing either. It basically means the "ship" has ran its course.

7. You feel more alive when they aren't around.

This is the polar opposite of #4. Their presence makes you feel awful, while their absence has no impact on you or a great impact. You then realize that it is time to part ways.

OK I believe you all got it now, if you didn't before. So don't lose sleep and play Clue in your head. It's no murder mystery. Discernment is a wonderful trait to possess, and having this helps determine who should be in your world.  You can then live a more peaceful, happy life.

Are there other ways not listed that you can tell if a "ship" is about to sink? Care to share any personal experiences?

Letting Folks Down Easy Is Possible, Right?

Rejecting someone you're no longer interested in romantically can be a challenge. I'm in my 30s and while I'm better equipped to turn someone down or reject them, it still is hard and can often hurt myself as much as the other party. Perhaps that is why many folks lie, avoid the issue, or ignore the person they're trying to let go. They genuinely do not want there to be any hard feelings.

However, this isn't always the case. Even when you're truthful, someone still feels hurt or slighted. That beautiful woman you had your eye on for some time has crushed your heart. Now you must recover and collect yourself.

Nevertheless, honesty is basically the best policy. Honesty with tact of course. There is no need to beat around the bush, tell a white lie, or make up a fake relationship. Just tell them you are flattered and appreciate their interest. However,you only see them in a friendly, platonic way.

Now people can be funny, and once again still feel crushed. Continue to be their friend and converse and interact like nothing ever happened. Should this person not get the hint and try to harrass you, then you may have to get harsh. You can ignore them then (but not for no good reason),  ask them politely to leave you be, and keep your distance.  The next step would be to contact the police for a restraining order, and some of your closest friends so you will not feel harrassed. You should not have to change your phone number, address, or daily life just because a rejection has gone ugly. Protect yourself, don't be a victim, and live your life. It's not always that serious anyways.

So yes ladies and gentlemen it is possible to gently and tactfully turn down a crush or admirer. I'm a very grown man now, I left the games on the playground. I feel those that haven't and cannot reject me in an adult manner have some maturing to do, plain and simple. I know that seems harsh, but its true. A true man or woman knows how to handle and properly socialize with other folks in different ways. It doesn't cost a thing to be nice and polite, but honest about it. Act the way you want to be treated. One has to behave like an adult to be respected as one.

Finally, treat them with respect with each passing day.  Things may have gone completely south and you two no longer speak. However, you two should still be respectful and cordial when you see each other. It's all about respect, honesty, and proper communication, which are important elements in any relationship.

No one likes to be rejected. However, that's part of the game, the law of averages. Everyone will not like you. Just make sure you stay likable in the process of the rejection, whether you're on the giving or receiving end.

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Cuffing: Boo Season in full swing

Ok this is my first post of 2012. I actually shelfed it from last month/last year.  It involves something you see all the time during the winter, but called by a named so unorthodox its not even in the Urban Dictionary.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is cuffing.

Ok for those of you that don't know the term, here it is. It is where women start around October just as the fall weather is setting in, trying to get a significant other.  Many women do not want to be alone during the winter holidays.  Plus, it ensures they get Christmas gifts, someone to kiss on New Year's night, and that they get flowers, candy, etc, on Valentine's Day.

The sad part about all of this is that many women during this time aren't cuffing the man of their dreams or a potential hubby. They are simply getting a familiar face, an old friend, fallback guy, or all the above. Sometime between February 15 and the start of Spring, this relationship has a high failure rate.  It doesn't seem to be a coincidence that Spring is referred to as breakup season. 

Ladies, its cool if all you want is genuine love or even to have a cut buddy, that's fine. But to use someone at ANY time just so you won't be alone is not the business. It makes all women look like opportunistic gold diggers.  Please chill with the cuffing. 

I honestly feel like I'm currently being cuffed. I feel like I'm finally free from this one chick who ended up being fast, wild, and drama filled. The other one I've known for a while. A future is uncertain but since I'm single I'm chilling, guarding my heart and wallet,  and letting the chips fall as they may.

To me, cuffing is crafty, grimey, and borders on thirstiness. Many of you remember my thirst blog from last year.  I just pray that anyone who is in a new relationship can beat the odds and make it last past the cold winter months. If its for real, it should stand the changing of seasons.

Meanwhile, being that this is a holiday weekend, go out and look around at all of the couples cuddled together at the movies, basketball games, MLK events, etc. Almost 50% of these relationships will be ended by April on average, similar to the divorce rate.

Scary, eh, fellas? Don't be gullible, make sure you know what's real, before you end up cold and lonely when its warm and friendly out. 

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