1996: From Boy To Man

1996 was the year that I continued my progression from boy to man.  I got my driver's license that year, graduated high school, turned 18, went on two big trips, and began college.

It's hard to believe all of this has been 20 years. Time truly does fly by. I had a good hairline then and a clean face.

I showed my independence as a freshman at Winthrop University in Rock Hill, SC. Not only was I the first in my grandma's immediate family to graduate high school, I had earned the right to attend a university. And it was an adjustment. Many do not know, but there were days and nights that I didn't know if I would make it. I was away from home for a long period of time, no supervision, didn't know many people , and the classes were so hard (especially those 8am classes). I actually not only missed my family, I missed my high school and hometown. Strange if you hear me now. I was in a different world for sure, one that I would grow to love.

This was also the year I lost my great grandpa, Bill Dover, long the patriarch of the Dover clan. He passed away shortly after my high school graduation at age 82.  I also gained a new family, finally connecting with my dad's side of the family, the McGills. Circumstances had kept me from them but I was determined to get to know them now.

I still loved my R&B, but my guilty pleasure was actually Alanis Morrisette. She had some moving ballads that got me through this transitional period. Movie wise, Independence Day with Will Smith and Vivica A. Fox ruled the box office. The South was all a buzz about the Carolina Panthers beginning their first season in then-Ericcson stadium, and with the Summer Olympics being held in nearby Atlanta, GA. Who would have thought the Panthers would be playing in their second Super Bowl since that time? 

1996 was quite a year for me, one of growth and happiness.

What were your favorite memories of 1996? Was it a good year for you?

Adam Lanier: 10 Years Later, Still Making An Impact

This is without question the toughest blog I have had to write in my six years of blogging.

Many of you know my only brother, Justin Adam Lanier, passed away of an accidental drug overdose after fighting substance abuse for six years prior. This Thursday, January 28 will mark 10 years since he left us in the physical.

Imagine your worst day ever. Well this day was 100 times as worst. And often it feels as it just happened.

Here are some tidbits/facts for those that didn't get the chance to know my brother, and for those that did.

1. He was born March 2, 1983 in Divine Savior Hospital in York, SC. (now closed). He arrived into the world feet first (breech birthed).

2. He was always very active and hyper, walking and running at only six months. To my recollection, he never had to learn, he just did it.

3. His baby names were "Lovey" and "Fatwad". If you saw his early pics, you would see why.

4. Adam was always popular, having many friends around. That continued throughout his life.

5. My brother had a natural gift with the ladies and young children. Both gravitated towards him. He was quite the entertainer. I'm confident he would have been an awesome father and possibly husband.

6. Adam was actually pretty smart in school, he just didn't apply himself. He was all about friends, girls, and fitting in.

7. His favorite holiday was Halloween and he made a huge deal out of it yearly.

8. He lived life to the fullest, possibly because he knew he didn't have a lot of time on Earth.

9. We didn't have a lot in common at all,  but one thing we shared was a deep and loyal love for our mother. No one messed with our mama!

10. Adam was in the high school marching and jazz band for six years, playing the drums. He won many awards and was simply skilled.

11. His resemblance to rapper Eminem was uncanny, especially once he dyed his own hair.

12. My mom's house was the local teenage hangout for a number of years. Many parties were thrown weekly.

13 He, like our grandpa Frosty, was extremely superstitious.

14. His death has inspired others in his circle and age group to do many great things. Many of them didn't want to be a statistic. I would give anything to get him back, but I take solace in the fact that others loved him so much and he made such an impact on their lives.

This day is never easy for me or my mother. We have learned to celebrate the man he was becoming, and to tell the positive stories of his life. He can be a cautionary tale and an inspiration.

R.I.P. Justin Adam Lanier #forever22

Being The Unwelcome House Guest: Who Wants That?

I figured I would add a little shock value with this title. This is how many of us feel like we are treated: like an unwanted presence or different, like the oddity that many minorites have felt for decades and centuries.

This is Dr. Martin Luther King Day weekend, and Black History Month is around the corner. America is honoring a man that gave his life so that ALL could have equal rights and treatment. Dr. King's dream extended to social, political and professional circles as well. It may have been motivated by how blacks were treated in the 50s, but it was much broader.

Present day, many still practice this unfair, unjust treatment of others simply because they look, talk or act differently than yourself. We need unity and tolerance if we are ever going to move forward as a country and society. This is the HUMAN race, and Dr. King's dream for equality will continue to move at a slower pace consequently.

Think about it: when it is the last time you treated less than or inferior? How did it make you feel? Often you must place yourself into the shoes of others. Also, see this person as your best friend, parent or even child. You would be angry if they were treated in an unjust manner so why go and do it to someone else for no good reason?

Hate and racism are definitely taught and fueled by negative influences and exposures. One much open their hearts, eyes, minds and treat everyone better. Say hi to that coworker who is completely different than you. Thank the custodial and maintenance staffs of wherever you may be. Strike up a conversation with someone of a different background. These small gestures can assure that no one is being treated in an ugly matter.

Being and acting fair is a choice. Can you do it now, and going forward?

Five Writers To Watch In 2016 And Beyond

Many of us continue to read, write and support others in this endeavor. I always am supportive of those entering the writing world through blogging, books, spoken word and such. Now here are five such people to look out for in this year 2016.

1. Larry Parks

He also goes by "Larry P" as he has an online radio show called The Larry P Show hosted by Dok featuring N-Murda on The Good Ole Boys Network. He is actually the only male being featured and that is not intentional. His book "Fumble" is based on his failed attempts at intimacy. It takes courage and a sense of humor to put this in print. Larry does all of that well. I keep his book next to my nightstand as it a good, addictive read. A copy can be yours from Amazon for only $5. Support this young man now and in his future endeavors. Don't fumble your chance away!

2. Author R. Newson

I have featured Rayn Newson before when she first penned "When A Woman Loves". Now she is two books in and is developing her writing prowess and her brand. She has merchandise, a social media presence and relates to young adult women well. Her tales are of love, dreams, and entrepreneurship. Look out for her next book, and pick up her other two if you do not already own them. The place to go is www.authorRNewson.com.

3. Being Kindra

I have known Kindra for 20 years now. One of the things that has been a constant about her is the impeccable sense of fashion she possesses. One may see her as simply a shoe and heel fiend, but she actually is an expert on accessoring and showcasing all forms of fashion. Kindra is literally showing her passion for fashion through written word. Her stories are real, detailed and entertaining. Check her out at www.beingkindra.com and become one of her many followers.

4.  Inner Beauty Artistry.

The creator of this blog, Monet Brown, is a licensed esthetician. She specializes in skin care and treatment and wants to share her tips with the world. She is more than just a clean face or skin specialist. Monet wants us to get the most out of our skin and is not shy about showing her knowledge of products, proper care and dos/do nots. Visit and follow this young lady at innerbeautyartistry.wordpress.com.

5. She Is Bonita

Bonita Davis seemingly has it all. Brains, charm, an angelic singing voice, inner and outer beauty, and a stable, growing career.  The one thing she currently doesn't have is a significant other. As she exits her 20s, she openly shares with her readers her journey through love over the past few years and where it has lead her. Bonita's hope is to help someone who is going through similar experiences, and to grow into a better person herself. Check out this captivating lady at www.sheisbonita.com. She Is Writing. She Is Brave. She Is Uncompromising. She Is Bonita!

Ok well there you have it. Follow these five young writers as they grow and advance in their journey!

Are there other young , beginning authors that you know of? Do you know, and are already following one or all of these individuals?

2015 End Year Recap of Sports, Entertainment and Other Pop Culture Mishaps

It's that time again: the end to another year. Here's my recap of the good, bad and the ugly from the second half of 2015. Spoiler: Beyonce' and Kobe Bryant once again managed to stay off of this list. There are many others though.

Repeat Offenders: 

The Kanye award: Kanye West. You just couldn't stop "Kanyeing". It's like you've stopped caring about what you say and how you look. And apparently you're gonna be the Donald Trump of 2020.

Opportunists: The Kardashians: Y'all are the roaches of pop culture: just will not go away. Kim, I hope you got fixed after birthing this last child. Boy I tell ya, I haven't ever seen such attention whores in my life.

Dirty football program: University Of Southern Cal (USC): You managed another bowl eligible season, but you had an alcoholic coach (Steve Sarkishan) and not much continuity. The sins of the past have continued to haunt you.

Corporate rant: Krispy Kreme in Gastonia, NC. Ok I visited this place on a slow night and I still waited 15 minutes for two HOT  doughnuts when the HOT light was on. I am officially done with this KK.

Local business complaint: Skateland in Gaffney. I was always suspect about this place and their policies. But now it has gotten worse. Racism, disrespecting children, forcing them to skate all night on lock in nights. You guys will not see a dime of my money.

First to worst: Dallas Cowboys. This would have went to the 49ers, but their expectations were already low. After last season's controversial call in the playoffs, it seems injuries, trades, and bad QB play have you at a laughingstock once again. Now you should question if Romo should return, or possibly draft a QB like Connor Cook.

Television faux pas: Cliffhangers. Please please stop with these already! They are long played out, along with originality.

Newbies:

Racist award: Hulk Hogan. You were low key about it. However you cannot drop the N bomb, regardless of how famous you are or how fast your daughter is.

Clown politician: Donald Trump. Nothing else needs to be said that we aren't already saying or thinking.

Troubled singer:  Ariana Grande. Your post Nickolodean career is raising eyebrows as you raise your skanky skirt. I suggest taking 2016 to reboot and hanging with your "Nona".

Can't Get Right Athlete: Aldon Smith. You are a metaphor and a cliché for what you do not do in professional sports. Please get your life right.

Moron rapper: Meek Mill. Meek, come harder if you are gonna beef with the most notable rapper currently in the game (Drake). That was weak as well water and you deserved to get served.

Sport in Question: The NFL Preseason. When are you gonna shorten this, or at least not mandate that teams play their starters long? It appears more injuries occurred this past preseason than in the entire regular season.

Evil coach: Mack Breed, the Texas high school coach that forced his players to take out the ref. You don't go after the officials, period, nor coach teenagers to play in that manner.

Washed Up Actor/Actress: Vivica A. Fox.  Man what a trainwreck! My once celebrity crush has gotten crazier, especially when it involves 50 Cent. Apparently he put a spell on you.

TO award for inappropriate on field behavior by an athlete: Odell Beckham Jr. You were not well known before that awesome catch last season. Now you go and head butt defensive backs? ODB, you're better than this.

Happy New Year and always make it a goal to not live like this people.

2015 Christmas Letter

What a year this has been! I cannot believe it's time for my annual Christmas/Holiday letter.

This year was a year of two halves for me. The first half of the year, I celebrated my 12th year of employment with The Robert Allen Group. Over the summer, I began a new journey and started working for Amazon in Spartanburg. It has been hard, but fulfilling and rewarding work thus far. I like having more opportunities worldwide and getting to participate in the company's two busiest times: Prime Day and Peak 2015.

I still maintained and exceeded my fitness status. At 37, I am in the best shape of my life. Running became more serious for me in 2015 as I ran my first half marathon, a 10K, and I am lining up my 2016 races. One of which is a full marathon in late April. My furthest distance ran to date is 20 miles so I feel I am on the right track with my training.

While I have joined other fitness and running circles, I have reconnected with some old friends and circles, and discarded others. It's life and  often this is necessary. I do enjoy the time with the friends and close family I have, especially with all of the holiday gatherings and socials currently ongoing.

Smokin Rita and Friends is still going strong, raising money for The Christmas Is For Kids campaign, and many others in need. This year, more than $10,000 was raised for such causes. I wasn't able to be as involved this year, but I hope that changes in 2016. 

Entertainment wise, I have gotten into more good TV such as Empire, Power and the classic ABC sitcom The Middle. I am currently watching an episode as I type this letter. The quality and appeal of movies has waned for me. Hollywood is seemingly running out of ideas, plus it's easier to stream them on Netflix. I did see a few good ones this year on the big screen, such as the new Star Wars movie and enjoyed it, but I didn't have the desire to see the midnight premiere.

2015 was definitely a year of change, progression and growth. My mom has gotta away from social media and is mostly a homebody these days. I have fallen back from most social media, but have gotten into Snapchat.

I would like to congratulate all of my friends/fellow writers that have books and blogs out. It appears everyone wants to be Shakespeare now, but I do admit writing is a joy and a rush. Keep writing!

As always, I will enjoy the holiday season and look forward to many new things in 2016. Continued fitness progress, my e-book, more gatherings (hosted by me), my 20th high school class reunion and a new President of the United States.

Happy Holidays friends and family! I love you all and encourage you to keep reading and reaching for the stars.

Relationship Assessment

More and more relationship quizzes and assessments are appearing. Cosmopolitan magazine is probably the most popular of the quizzes. However, we see more and more assessments other than relationship compatibility. Many companies use this method when evaluating and hiring new employees. It's definitely a growing trend

To this end, I have compiled my own relationship assessment. I plan on putting it on Survey Monkey, or another related site.

1. Do you workout/exercise/train?

2. How is your overall eating?

3. Do you want children (or any more)? How many?

4. Who do you think should pay on dates? What about bills?

5. What are the basic roles of a man in a relationship?

6. Do you like sports? If so, what are your favorites, along with teams?

7. What is your favorite restaurant?

8. Are you a dog or cat person?

9. What is your greatest fear?

10. Favorite quote?

11. What is your religious/spiritual affiliation?

12. Did you attend or plan to attend college? If yes, where?

13. Do you enjoy reading/writing? What is your favorite book?

14. Name your top five favorite TV shows.
15. Who are your top five rappers of all time?

16. Do you think you manage time well? Why or why not?

17. Would you date outside of your race?

18. Are you currently in a relationship?

19. Can you cook and if so, what are your best dishes?

20. How often do you pamper yourself? (manis, pedis, hair, etc)

21. What types of clothes do you normally wear?

22. Do you drink and/or smoke?

23. What does a perfect Saturday night consist of? Sunday morning?

24. Where was your best vacation?

25. How do feel about punctuality and organization? Are you a spur of the moment person?