Adam Lanier: 10 Years Later, Still Making An Impact

This is without question the toughest blog I have had to write in my six years of blogging.

Many of you know my only brother, Justin Adam Lanier, passed away of an accidental drug overdose after fighting substance abuse for six years prior. This Thursday, January 28 will mark 10 years since he left us in the physical.

Imagine your worst day ever. Well this day was 100 times as worst. And often it feels as it just happened.

Here are some tidbits/facts for those that didn't get the chance to know my brother, and for those that did.

1. He was born March 2, 1983 in Divine Savior Hospital in York, SC. (now closed). He arrived into the world feet first (breech birthed).

2. He was always very active and hyper, walking and running at only six months. To my recollection, he never had to learn, he just did it.

3. His baby names were "Lovey" and "Fatwad". If you saw his early pics, you would see why.

4. Adam was always popular, having many friends around. That continued throughout his life.

5. My brother had a natural gift with the ladies and young children. Both gravitated towards him. He was quite the entertainer. I'm confident he would have been an awesome father and possibly husband.

6. Adam was actually pretty smart in school, he just didn't apply himself. He was all about friends, girls, and fitting in.

7. His favorite holiday was Halloween and he made a huge deal out of it yearly.

8. He lived life to the fullest, possibly because he knew he didn't have a lot of time on Earth.

9. We didn't have a lot in common at all,  but one thing we shared was a deep and loyal love for our mother. No one messed with our mama!

10. Adam was in the high school marching and jazz band for six years, playing the drums. He won many awards and was simply skilled.

11. His resemblance to rapper Eminem was uncanny, especially once he dyed his own hair.

12. My mom's house was the local teenage hangout for a number of years. Many parties were thrown weekly.

13 He, like our grandpa Frosty, was extremely superstitious.

14. His death has inspired others in his circle and age group to do many great things. Many of them didn't want to be a statistic. I would give anything to get him back, but I take solace in the fact that others loved him so much and he made such an impact on their lives.

This day is never easy for me or my mother. We have learned to celebrate the man he was becoming, and to tell the positive stories of his life. He can be a cautionary tale and an inspiration.

R.I.P. Justin Adam Lanier #forever22

Brotherly Love: What It's Really About

One thinks of brotherly love and may reference three things: their blood-kin brother(s), brothers/friends from a fraternity or other similar social organization, and of course the city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania which is dubbed "the city of brotherly love."
I won't name all of my friends and family that I consider brothers as there are many and they are all special to me. I will mention my only brother, Adam.
Many of you know I lost him in 2006 to a drug overdose. However, we had that inside connection and bond that can be taught, but is usually formed naturally. We shared some of the same feelings regarding life, education, fun, movies, and of course family. Adam and I both loved our mother, and that was the main thing we bonded over. She raised us both to be men, and we would (and still will) do anything for her.
Proverbs talks about Christ being a friend that sticks closer than a brother. On another side of the spectrum, rapper Styles P once was paraphrased as saying the first thing learned in the hood is homeboy love. I can honestly say that when I started going to school and church, I learned about the love for my friends and homies outside of my family. Many of them became more than family over the years and I'm grateful for them, especially since my brother is no longer with me..
The bond you share with your brothers, friends, boys, etc is like no other. They know you better than you know yourself. When you're serious about a woman, you bring her around them to see how everybody interacts. You have fun together, laugh, and often just chill.  Jokes are often cracked and debates and arguments arise. However, the brotherly bond really shows when one is in need or in trouble. No one outside of the circle will mess with you, talk bad about you, or cause you harm. I have this same feeling towards my brothers.
I have been faced with a lot of changes and transitions over the past year. This has involved getting closer to those that appreciate my time and attention, and distancing myself from those that do not deserve it. This even included some family that weren't treating me as such. As I was going through my phone and social media lists, it became clearer who my friends and brothers were. I could contact them at anytime for any little thing, and I didn't have to question their loyalty in the least.
This post is geared for the fellas, but I feel women can also apply it in their friendships and sisterhoods. You want people that are in your corner, will love you unconditionally, and will tell you what you need to hear, rather than what sounds good.
Times change and so do some people. I feel blessed at the bonds and connections I have gained. When I was looking at my various friend and contact lists, I came to realize how close I am with so many people, and that the bonds were often so strong we could go without talking for months and pick back up where we last left off.
It's not always macho for men to show and express their feelings. However, loyalty, a firm handshake, and simply fun times are some great ways to show your fellow man that he is appreciated.